HomeWrecker by Greg Pregent - Short, Comedy - A daughter is upset about her Dad having an affair and wants revenge. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Greg

First off the formatting is wrong. The sluglines are written incorrectly. It's normally INT. OFFICES - DAY. You will need to take a look at some of the scripts on here to see how to format correctly. And look up industry standards of course. There is a section on SS about formatting.

"Daughter (21) of earlier man (who works at the same place) is sitting
at a table with another woman drinking coffee.

EMILY
My dad sure is in a good mood lately here at the
office. You would think with his wife dying of
cancer he would be kinda grumpy."

When you introduce a new character you give them a name in capitals. After that its lower case as per usual.

You've given the Co Worker two names. You need to stick to one name or Label. The name has to be the same in the action line as it is in the dialogue.

You will need to look up how to write phone conversations. As is, it's just dialogue and we aren't introduced to Mary. I.E it should read 'Emily is on the phone to her friend MARY, 25.' Because we can't see her you don't have to give a physical description until she ends up on screen. which she does later on.

The story fell flat for me, it didn't feel right that she would go to such lengths to commit a felony, risk hard jail time and get a friend involved. She must be a very messed up person, and we don't get to see a backstory about her to give us an indication she's not quite right.

So most importantly keep writing and reading lots of scripts. It will all start falling into place.

Keep at it!

Hi Greg,

Just a suggestion -

I would remove the ‘Mary’ character. No need for her.

The mistress’ name is ‘Candy’. Not sure about that!!!

Maybe make the ending ‘dark’, with Emily burning down the house down and realizing when it’s too late, that her father is in there?

Daniel.