Dracula's Castle - Print Topic

Hey, so I gave this a read over the weekend... here are my thoughts:

*spoilers herein*

First of all a lot of people on this site, and out of it, will pull you up on script formatting etc - which I can do, but for me, what's most important is the big idea.

Because, if the actual story, the actual idea, behind the script isn't good... then no matter how nicely you format and dress it up it won't fly.

For me this a very old school story, reminded me of Hammer horror films - the kind you'd tape off the TV at 1am as a horror loving kid. What was your thought here? Were you just kind of re-imagining Dracula? I could see that a lot of the characters were based on people from the story... for example the blind man seemed like he was based on Reinfeld. And of course there was Van Helsing.

I couldn't really invest in any of the characters, I'm afraid. The only one who really seemed to have a genuine personality and seemed to be fleshed out was Nicolae. Who, in my opinion, should have perhaps been introduced a little earlier.

Perhaps I was reading too fast, but there was no possible mention that Gorriss was potentially some kind of prince until the end? This felt a little forced, and just kind of surprised me.

Have to say Van Helsing's death scene wasn't executed very well, pardon the pun. For me he was the film's lead, and seemed quite a smart and pragmatic guy. So for him to just roll up his sleeves and try to fight a vampiric demon barehanded was... well... a bit deflating. He'd done really well to survive up until then and then he's snuffed out in an instant.

I can see where you were going with him seeing an illusion of his family, but that was a bit predictable.

When I read this I pictured Van Helsing and Wiggulf as two middleaged men. So the thought of two ageing men, a blind senior citizen and a very young parishioner going to a castle to do battle with Dracula's incarnate did make me think their chances of survival wouldn't be high.

I liked the old school feel. But I think I wanted to know more about the characters, get a bit more invested in them. I think they should have encountered Vladimir a bit earlier. He just kind of turned up at the end and killed pretty much all of them without much exposition.

In terms of formatting... I think if you rewrite this you should keep the 'show don't tell' rule in mind. A lot of it sounds like a novel - and there are things which the camera can't get across.

"Gorris is becoming distant, dragging the bardiche into the courtyard; he is gaunt and losing energy, but gaining faith, affirmed only in Christ, he falls down to pray. "

Like this for example ^ just by having him praying I think you'd get this across.

Some of the sentences also don't quite flow, there's maybe an extra level of detail (like the above) that perhaps isn't necessary.

Overall though, if this was a picture I'd watch it. Think it just needs some tightening, a couple more drafts and some more build-up and tension as to who Vladimir is, who the characters are... so when they meet their fates (which all seemed quite abrupt) we feel more connected, more sad.