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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / C*nt Bomb Baseball

Posted by: Don, August 25th, 2018, 10:07am

C*nt Bomb Baseball by Doug Tesch - Short, Comedy, Animated - The janitors from small town Podunk meet STAR TREK and the national pastime. 13 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: IamGlenn, August 26th, 2018, 4:07am; Reply: 1

Hey.

First slug doesn't have "day" or "night" in it.

Straight into sniffing used tampons..

On page two, and I'm not digging the bloody tampon humour.

Quite a few spelling mistakes and typos too.

By page 6, Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Teresa and Hitler were having a game of baseball.

Sorry, just not my thing at all. The humour didn't connect at all. Maybe others will like it.

Best of luck

Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), August 26th, 2018, 12:23pm; Reply: 2

Yeah, this is way too OTT. I read a couple of pages... was lured in by the title. Not for me though.

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