Wingding Killer by Thomas Butcher - Short, Comedy - A detective finally gets a break in a decades old cold case with a little unexpected help from his granddaughter. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thomas,

It’s a nice idea - kid innocently helps her out of touch grandpa solve a crime.  But, comedy or not, it’s a big leap of faith to believe that in 25 years no-one thought to read the wingdings.  Presumably Slater wasn’t working this case alone?  How is it a 10 year old is smarter than a whole police department?

Writing-wise, a couple of nitpicks, but it's stuff that can help smooth the read and keep it concise:

Is it dark or is there a dim light? You use space setting one image up only to alter it within the next sentence.

How would we know he’s wearing a white button-down shirt and khaki pants if he’s wearing overalls - don’t they go over all?

You’re not helping the story by having Slater talking to himself about the case.  It’s just not a natural way of getting the backstory across.  He’s not talking to himself - he’s talking to us, the audience, which is rarely believable.

I can get with the concept - little girl inadvertently cracks the case, but for me, the wingding angle is just too great a suspension of belief.

All the best,

Steve

Quoted from stevemiles Thomas, How is it a 10 year old is smarter than a whole police department?

This is not too much of a stretch, IMO.