The Boring Thing by Mr. Ed - Short, Horror - It's been working its way up from the center of the Earth for a billion years. Today it surfaces. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This is very dense and passively written. A new writer that could do with some tips on writing actively. However, this isn't the place for that, although it will mark you down somewhat. Grammar issues too. Your sentences are difficult to read.

I skipped through to the end. A simple creature-feature that doesn't stand out enough. The writing needs work, even taking into account that we can 'tell' parts of this story due to the format, the writing is too passive to be enjoyable.

I can give some tips after the OWC if you like.

A Jeff special?

I wouldn't call the thing boring,because, hey, I wasn't bored reading 'bout a gratuitous death of a bunny rabbit. I don't know who Sid Brown is, but I did miss the poor bunny.

The Medical examiner isn't given a name or age. How old is old?

Anyway...surprise, surprise. I didn't really mind this one too much. Had this "Asylum" flavor to it, although some of the names and action sound a bit too juvenile in places.at least it is...entertaining. It's a bit overkill suggesting that The Boring Thing eats cars---should just stick with critters and people. (side note: there's a scene in which people's body parts are all over everywhere, yet, a few have survived and getting some sort of first aid. I dunno. seems odd. "No, This guy's a goner" or something like that. ) Killer man-eatin' giant worm-centipede monster on the loose and it gobbles up a small town!

Again..why call it a Boring Thing?

Some grammar issues, some clunky parts...but it is what it is.

Why call it Boring?
I'm sorry...I just...can't help question this choice. It sends the (wrong) message that you, as the writer, don't care and/or didn't give this a lot of thought. Or if you did give it thought, you take a leak on whatever goodness you have.

This was rough. Some misspellings and grammar that derailed my attention when reading. Even the name Buttacre was a distraction.

If illustrated, it would be way more than three pages. This would need a lot of rewrite to work.

Good effort but, sorry, not for me.

Probably my least favourite so far. I struggled with some of the descriptions and wasn’t sure what I was meant to be seeing. Nothing really grabbed me.

It feels a lot longer than five pages.

The writing style isn’t for me. I don’t know if the writer was trying to format it for a comic or if this is just there style; either way I wasn’t a fan.

All the best.

For me the title instantly brought to mind Elon Musk's Boring Company, nice play on words. The story however felt a little bland. I got a "Tremors" vibe from this - giant creature, a couple of wise cracking townsfolks trying to kill it. Nothing too compelling, and as others have mentioned, the action blocks need some work, but good on you for getting an entry in.

First scene... bunny bites the dust... I'm thinking: so much for PG. And, boy, did the writer go all in on ignoring that particular request.

One thing that I like about this website and its writers... no shortage of creativity. And, this was creative.

Now, it was a bit of a mess, for sure. But, still, kudos to the writer for going for it.

The way this is written, is a bit like a pisser. Sorry if that’s not the intention, but it just seems like the writer is having a laugh with this one. It’s also above a PG in parts.

The idea of a boring thing (I’d suggest changing the name) that devours and grows would make a great comic, kind of like a mix of the Human Centipede and Tremors.  The way that this is written doesn’t work for me, but the idea has bags of comic potential.

Prior to Sid Brown's back yard you really had me. Really. Despite the seven line description. And even with the slaughter of poor Bunny.

And then came the rest...

And I started scanning.
A real shame. You coulda' had something there but you went so over the top.

I never understand why Jeff puts so much effort into these pissers.

It did make me laugh out loud, though.

And the premise would make for a nice b-movie feature.

Like the logline - could lead to some good visuals.

The Boring Thing’s exit (after all this time) could have been built up a bit more.  Okay, its small (at first), but you could have had more fun with it.  Would we understand it’s a subterranean creature that’s been inching its way to the surface for billions of years from that opening visual?  The logline tells us the what and the where from, but what is there in the story to show us that?  Feels like a missed opportunity especially given the narration at your disposal.

Does the Boring Thing eat or just dismember its victims?  

Nothing wrong with the idea, even kind of fun in places, but the execution feels rushed - tongue in cheek?  I appreciate that all entries will have been written quickly, but this felt written with a beginning and an end (I did like that final image) with less focus on the pages in between.

wow that was a chore

Boring as in boring a hole I guess. The story itself was not boring but it was hard to get through to the end.
The monster devouring everything in it's path and growing bigger as a result has been done so many times.

Although i hate the word 'pisser'  this seemed too comical to be taken seriously especially with 'Buttacre'

a lot of grammar issues and long passages

Good job on entering

For starters, a terrible title.  Written by Mr. Ed brings me to think we may have a pisser on our hands.

Opening passage is terrible, sorry to say, but if this is indeed a pisser, we may have comedy gold here.

Love the 5 line 2nd passage.  How tiny is this "boring thing"?

"SFX" - Huh? WTF?  HA!  Followed by a 7 line passage.  Really?  OK...now I'm worried this isn't a pisser, so I don't want to be mean...I think I should bow out before I say anything else.

OMG...I can't stop.  This is classic stuff here.  Irish?  Is this you?  If so, you're on to something.  I'm laughing quite hard and looking forward to continuing.  Those character descriptions are awesome!

Page 2 - Nice Slug!  "LONG VIEW OF MAIN Street" - Wow...I'm jealous...I wish I wrote this!

"METTING HALL" - LOL!  Dude, you're fucking killing me here!  Loving this!!

LOL!!!  But we didn't see it eat any vehicles...so thanks for telling us!   ;D ;D ;D

"fellow Banfulians" - Oh man, this is 1 of the best Pissers I've ever read.  I must notify Stevie..he will dig this for sure.

Loving the Slugwork...it's some of the best I've come across.

Dialogue is great!  Loving it!!

Good work on the spacing, also.  You've hit pretty much every possible mistake known to mankind.

"tubular terror" -  ;D ;D ;D ;D

Your use of past tense phrasings is also spot on.  Simply put, I FUCKING LOVE THIS SCRIPT!!!

BEAUTIFULLY written.  Amazingly thought out.  I want to be  1 of the investors in this project, because I know it will make bazillions at the box office.

Dude, you've hit it out of the park here, and I'm seriously jealous.

Grade - ****************************************** TIMES 47 Million more stars and 18 stripes to boot!!!!

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I need get understand why Jeff puts so much effort into these pissers. It did make me laugh out loud, though. And the premise would make for a nice b-movie feature.

I can only wish.  No, not mine, bro.  I didn't enter.  But if this was mine, I would be very proud!   ;D ;D ;D ;D

I’m not in this show but stopped by

Some of it felt unnecessarily heavy for what Is a large worm etc growing and eating

But, as a 1970’s style, oversized monster, cheesy sci fi, it seemed to work.

Perhaps a tad more detail than a comic etc needs

Somewhere in me wants to find a weakness - that perhaps only a weirdo saw. His or her mission then is to go after it....next episode

All the best

Holy bizarreness. So Stevie has an entry too lol.

Wow was this shaken with craziness.

Coming to the title: First I completely disliked the title, but then I thought that on a comic cover the 'wordplay' actually works perfect since it could be put in the correct context on first sight. Dope!!!

The SFX reference, despite being unnecessary production terminology, it seems to me, you more than that mixed-up this whole sfx thing. As far as I know for movies SFX is more related to special effects, rather than sound effects. So that was confusing and just useless anyway... perhaps just a spoof of you.

However, I still like that stuff, don't know why actually. The character is just comic-worthy I believe. Good humor, lots of gore... I need to get out here ;-) Sick telling. Good work - yout got me on board - I buy that shit :-)

Okay, this one was crazy. Tearing apart a poor bunny in the first scene it's definitely not PG... but then came the rest.

It made me laugh, but I'm gonna keep from commenting on this one...

This really felt like a parody, except it takes itself too seriously for that. It starts off gritty and oh-so-not-PG and nosedives into knee-slapping farce with the dialogue and Buttacre (I don’t care if it’s a real name). Even the title suggests it’s something of a pisser. I don’t really know what tone it was supposed to settle at as it’s all over the place.

For the comic, I think it could work visually. The dialogue hurts it, but that could be selectively chosen too. The unfortunate thing is the longline is what makes this more compelling, but there is no way anyone could know this thing has been making its way to the surface for so long. It has no bearing on this story.

I really think Jeff did this one.  It's so OTT.  If you don't consider the parameters, it's an okay story film made for TV.  The excessive violence goes against one of the core requirements.  I'm surprised it's not littered with profanity.