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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Drama Scripts / Alone
Posted by: Don, October 27th, 2018, 11:22am
Alone by Kate Afable - Short, Drama - Two introverts who wants to connect in real life. 6 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: jayrex, October 27th, 2018, 12:24pm; Reply: 1
Gave this a read as it’s got the same title as one of mine.
It’s okay. You’ve managed to convey the character’s loneliness.
I wouldn’t write the word intelligent as you can’t see this. You also don’t have to write about the previous scene when Alice bumps into Harry when we’re following Harry. I get it without the helpful note.
I do wonder if the characters are lonely in the end. Was it a daydream by Harry? I think so when Alice looks up and he’s disappeared. I’m just not sure.
The overall ending. Not sure about the way it ended. A good start. I feel the ending could be stronger.
All the best.
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