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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Drama Scripts  /  Alone
Posted by: Don, October 27th, 2018, 11:22am
Alone by Kate Afable - Short, Drama - Two introverts who wants to connect in real life. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: jayrex, October 27th, 2018, 12:24pm; Reply: 1
Gave this a read as it’s got the same title as one of mine.

It’s okay.  You’ve managed to convey the character’s loneliness.

I wouldn’t write the word intelligent as you can’t see this.  You also don’t have to write about the previous scene when Alice bumps into Harry when we’re following Harry.  I get it without the helpful note.

I do wonder if the characters are lonely in the end.  Was it a daydream by Harry?  I think so when Alice looks up and he’s disappeared.  I’m just not sure.

The overall ending.  Not sure about the way it ended.  A good start.  I feel the ending could be stronger.

All the best.
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