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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Thriller Scripts / Unexpected Finds
Posted by: Don, November 18th, 2018, 11:30am
Unexpected Finds by Oksana Shafetova - Short, Thriller - The young woman finds fresh evidences of murder in her flat where she lives alone. 2 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, November 18th, 2018, 11:45am; Reply: 1
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, November 19th, 2018, 4:42am; Reply: 2
Hi Oksana
The writing needs work. The actions can be condensed, writing only what can be filmed and things such as "All of a sudden" can be removed - This will make reading it a lot easier without taking anything away - Read some good scripts and see how they describe action in as little words as possible.
The ending was a little confusing, is she schizophrenic and is actually the murderer? I was left scratching my head so think this needs to be a little clearer.
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