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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / Genetic Manipulation
Posted by: Don, December 30th, 2018, 10:03am
Genetic Manipulation by Michael Pari - Short, Comedy - Jimmy & Robert live life as the homies they always aspired to be until an extremely relevant topic pops up, changing it all for the better? 7 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: HyperMatt, December 30th, 2018, 11:24am; Reply: 1
This would be a nice and easy short to film. Dialogue heavy script. Some lines are funny. It’s not really my type of humour, but comedy is a very subjective and generational thing.
Jimmy and Robert should be capitalized when you first mention them and their ages, and it is clear from dialogue they are watching a sports game.
Are Robert and Jimmy’s dad got something going on?
Do you have to have so much dialogue capitalized? It’s distracting.
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Page 2.
but you just put it up right – but should be ‘But’.
Unconfortable – should be ‘Uncomfortable’.
Page 4.
Egoistic – ‘Egoistical?’
you're renting this place.. – get rid of extra full stop.
thats right – should be ‘that’s’ right.
Page 5.
Boing – I think you meant ‘Boeing’
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