86 the Special by Michael L Kennedy - Comedy, Sci Fi - Customers who come in right before closing are the worst, especially when they cause you to get sucked into an endless void.  100 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Michael:

Quoted Text INT. DINER - NIGHT The diner is slightly dirty and mostly empty.

You never have to repeat your location in the description if it's in the header. e.g., the above should be:

INT. DINER - NIGHT

Slightly dirty and mostly empty.

Best to write actively. Avoid the "is"and "ings." e.g., this:

Quoted Text A BUSBOY (19) is wiping down booths with a well-worn towel and a WAITRESS (40) is marrying bottles of ketchup.

Reads better as:

A BUSBOY (19) wipes down booths with a well-worn towel and a WAITRESS
(40) marries bottles of ketchup.

This:

Quoted Text A BEARDED MAN (40) is sitting by himself in a large booth. He is in a back corner of the diner,

Better as:

A BEARDED MAN (40) sits by himself in a large booth in the back corner of the diner.

Thanks to anybody who reads this thing.

The goal here was really to make things get progressively weirder every ten pages.