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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Dramedy Scripts / To The Last Detail
Posted by: Don, January 25th, 2019, 8:30am
To The Last Detail by Christina Katsiadakis - Short, Dramedy - A depressed mother finds a rather uncustomary way of making sure her family has nothing to worry about. 11 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Marcela, February 1st, 2019, 11:59am; Reply: 1
Hi Christina,
it's an interesting short story! I'm not sure why Gabriel decided to keep the requested flowers always in stock? Wouldn't that be a high expense for a funeral home after 15 years? I was expecting some kind of a twist in the story but instead she just died after 15 years.
M.
Posted by: AlsoBen, March 18th, 2019, 12:54am; Reply: 2
Just some little stuff, but it kind of sticks out:
"INT. DAY/ FUNERAL HOME" should be location THEN time of day, for all slugs. eg INT. CAT HOUSE - NIGHT
"ELSA walks in. She is not wearing black, or sunglasses and she looks very tired." Why would you specifically describe what she ISN'T wearing? I know it's a funeral home, but it's better to have "positive" descriptions of what she IS wearing, rather than isn't -- leave no specifics upturned.
"Elsa looks around, nervously playing with the ears of her folder" Ears?
"A couple of days later" - how do we know??
I'm halfway through the script and the words "not customary" etc have been used too many times. We get it, it's a weird request.
I'm stopping here because I'm realizing English isn't your first language and it's not fair. I didn't get into the conceit and the language is too distracting. Please keep practising. :)
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