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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Series  /  Black Veil
Posted by: Don, February 11th, 2019, 4:30pm
Black Veil - Pilot by Eve Kazaros - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Steampunk - A young gunslinger driven to avenge her family's slaughter suddenly finds herself caught in the middle of a dangerous plot to reignite Earth's lost technology, and the war that nearly ended the planet. 58 pages

Series Bible - pdf format


Black Veil, Episode 2 - Independence Burning by Eve Kazaros - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Steampunk - Vying for her freedom, Effie makes a deal that puts everyone in jeopardy.  Against her will, Abilene becomes a vital part of Kael's mission. - pdf format

Black Veil, Episode 3 - Mutiny by Eve Kazaros - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Steampunk - The Air Isles and Continental Prides unite in the bounty of Captain Slagg's ship and crew.  Abilene and Effie plot to overthrow the Blood Raven, and save Kael.  Miwa makes a deadly decision that threatens Shine Town's survival. - pdf format

Black Veil, Episode 4 - Unity by Eve Kazaros - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Steampunk - Nola struggles with a new position, and the fallout in Shine Town.   Unexpected doubt and betrayal puts the Blood Raven in jeopardy.  Meanwhile, Abilene finds a new ally as enemies close in on their position. 54 pages - pdf format

Black Veil, Episode 5 - Run and Gun by Eve Kazaros - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Steampunk - An adrenaline rush of action erupts when all of Eden hunts for our heroes. Wade enlists Slagg's help to save his friends.  54 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Posted by: GregoryM, February 13th, 2019, 2:19am; Reply: 1
Just randomly clicked the script and was pleasantly surprised. Didnt have time to read the whole thing, but the writer has a distinct voice and a strong grasp of pacing drama scene structure and dialogue. I was impreased and I rarely give a shit about other writer's work. The formatting is a bit old school and could stand to be cleaned up. I also think it might work better as a teaser and 4 act structure rather than 5 since some of the acts felt short but ultimately that doesnt matte. Id encourage the writer to comment or include their email address so ppl like myself can contact her. Id happily do a live read on twitch and point oit how to improve scenes and the formatting and discuss the work in general.
Posted by: GregoryM, February 13th, 2019, 2:20am; Reply: 2
Its worth noting theres no point in having a second episode. Itd be more effective for the project to have a bible.
Posted by: GregoryM, February 13th, 2019, 2:21am; Reply: 3
Also it's not steampunk it's cyberpunk as outlined in the script. Although in a way it's like steampunk in space, if that makes sense.
Posted by: EMK, February 13th, 2019, 1:29pm; Reply: 4
Hi GregoryM, thanks for taking the time to read the script and dropping some feedback for me.
I have an old series bible that I wrote back in 2016.  It needs updating and polishing.  I've been using it to write Epi 2-4.  Currently working on Episode 5.  I figured as long as the characters are talking and the story is writing itself, I may as well put it to paper.  
I had producer Gabriel Horn from New Palace Films ask if he could keep the pilot, "on file".  A few other producers liked it but it just didn't fit what they were looking for.
  
I'm not familiar with Twitch, but if you want to PM I'm open to it, and any other advice. :)

PS Y'all, one of my major flaws is pitching, loglines, and synopsis writing.  Condensing a story rattles my brain sometimes. I always have too much to say.

Thanks again for your kind words and encouragement.
Eve
Posted by: EMK, May 18th, 2019, 8:57am; Reply: 5
Lots of views for this. Thanks to all who have taken the time to read it, or just click and look.  I've included a Series Bible covering the overall theme of the series, and the story arch for Season 1 and 2.
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