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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Comedy Scripts  /  Feedback
Posted by: Don, February 18th, 2019, 12:17pm
Feedback by Frank MacCrory - Short, Comedy - A screenwriter tries to explain why he is so frustrated with the feedback his script received. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: IamGlenn, February 18th, 2019, 1:55pm; Reply: 1
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good.
Posted by: ajr, February 18th, 2019, 3:24pm; Reply: 2
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script.
Posted by: Zack, February 18th, 2019, 3:28pm; Reply: 3
Clever. ;D

Zack
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, February 18th, 2019, 3:46pm; Reply: 4
Terrible, not a single Wrylie.


Quoted from ajr
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script.


I think Glenn was being sarcastic
Posted by: IamGlenn, February 18th, 2019, 4:00pm; Reply: 5
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online.
Posted by: Pleb, February 18th, 2019, 5:04pm; Reply: 6
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently?
Posted by: FrankM, February 18th, 2019, 11:21pm; Reply: 7

Quoted from IamGlenn
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good.

Posted by: FrankM, February 18th, 2019, 11:24pm; Reply: 8

Quoted from Pleb
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently?


This is basically the same one that I put up in the WIP section. I had formatted the OP the way Don formats official script threads, mostly because the idea popped into my head while submissions were closed for the OWC.
Posted by: FrankM, February 18th, 2019, 11:25pm; Reply: 9

Quoted from IamGlenn
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online.


Next time your dialogue isn't clear from the context, you can always use a wrylie :)
Posted by: bert, February 19th, 2019, 7:47am; Reply: 10
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.

Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.

It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film.
Posted by: FrankM, February 19th, 2019, 12:15pm; Reply: 11

Quoted from bert
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.

Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.

It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film.


This is true, it's akin to using goofy variable names and comments inside a computer program. There is something to film, but the main point would be completely lost in that format.

The best thing that could possibly happen to this script would be becoming a gag in a book on writing, but even without that, I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it.
Posted by: bert, February 19th, 2019, 1:05pm; Reply: 12

Quoted from FrankM
...I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it.


You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose.

From 2006!
Posted by: FrankM, February 19th, 2019, 3:10pm; Reply: 13

Quoted from bert


You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose.

From 2006!


2006? Not quite adults, but old enough to try to fake it...

https://youtu.be/j7bxmgAnLG4
Posted by: Kirsten, February 24th, 2019, 7:28am; Reply: 14
Hahahaha, very cute.
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