Quoted Text INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - EMBALMING ROOM - NIGHT Fiona wipes down the table were Vera used to be. INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT Fiona arranges flowers beside Vera�s coffin. INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - GARAGE - NIGHT Fiona wheels a trolley carrying a bagged-up body from a van. INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - EMBALMING ROOM - NIGHT Fiona trims the hair on the corps of a MAN (35). She stops, looks at his face, puts her hands on his chest, looks at the clock, rushes out |
Quoted from Pleb Oh man, I'm fucking rubbish when it comes to names! "Honk if you're Horny!" is the only good name I've ever come up with, and even then all I did was use something off a bumper sticker. All the other times the titles were either too vague, too general, or worst of all, really pretentious. But yes, I agree. Shit name. Needs work. |
Quoted from LC My understanding is Fiona preps the dead for burial and interacts with them even though they're dead. She's painfully shy and introspective, least that's my take on it. Only when she finally engages with the living Ray in the real world and comes out of her shell does her world of perpetual grey turn to one of colour. Perhaps Max, you could alternate hair with makeup. Open casket viewings are common in certain religions. Shelly in My Girl is a makeup artist in Harry's Funeral Parlour: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102492/?ref_=tt_ch I'd definitely expand on Fiona's skills. Open with perhaps her applying makeup to Vera's face, maybe a close-up of lipstick being applied. Then we discover she's dead. Perhaps beard trimming or trimming of hair for MAN. I think visually you've a lot of opportunity with the prime setting. Anyway Max, happy to help. No return read required at this point. :) |
Quoted from Pleb Inbox (1) is a great name. |
Quoted Text INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Fiona, inches from a television screen, repeatedly presses the power-on switch but the screen stays black. She gives up and tries the radio. Again, no luck. Only static and crackle. She thumps the radio and stomps off. INT. HOBART FUNERAL HOUSE - EMBALMING ROOM - NIGHT Fiona and Vera sit holding cards and watching one another’s faces closely. |
Quoted from Pleb Hey Andrew and Eldave, Thanks for the read and your feedback. Yes, definitely going to go with the mini slugs in the rewrite. Sounds daft but that never even crossed my mind... just shows how valuable feedback is! And yes, LC's right. She's only talking to the dead dead, if that makes sense? Kind of like a kid having imaginary friends, only hers are corpses... Ray's definitely alive though. The guy in the morgue just reminds her of Ray, and spurs her to action. Thanks for the suggestion about mixing up her skills. it'll go into the next draft! Thanks again folks, I'll make sure I return the favour. Max |