Quoted from Lon Remember the purpose of the logline -- to illustrate the central point, the main focus, of the movie/show. The girlfriend's death isn't the main focus. It's the inciting incident, something that happens and suddenly alters the protagonist's normal existence and introduces conflict. It's Harrison Ford being shot in the head in Regarding Henry. It's Jack Nicholson being forced to babysit a dog in As Good As It Gets. It's little Lukas Haas witnessing a murder in Witness. It's an important element, but it's not the point of the story. It doesn't hurt to mention it in the logline, but give us the brass tacks version and save the particulars for the script itself. I would find a compromise between the two log lines you said were suggested to you, because each is decent on its own but is missing something that the other has: "A mildly depressed young man tries to find happiness while dealing with the crazy antics at his workplace, a live call-in TV production." "Ethan struggles to find happiness after accidentally killing his girlfriend." Now combine the two: "A year after his girlfriend's death by misadventure, a young man struggles to move on while also dealing with the crazy antics of his work place, a call-in game show." As for her death, if you're concerned it won't play as comedic, MAKE it comedic. It's why I made it a point to say "death by misadventure." Such deaths are almost always the person's own fault. They were doing something stupid, of their own accord, being reckless and careless. You know, like people who think it would be funny to poke a fork into a light socket, or people who think it would be cool to tightrope walk between skyscrapers, or people who who do stupid YouTube challenges just so that their channel can get more hits (eh?). Hell, go for broke -- don't just have her break her neck, have her break wind at the same instant. Don't just have him panic when he sees the cockroach, have him scream like a little girl. These are fictional characters, have them die as humorously and with as little dignity as you'd like. |
Quoted from Lon Remember the purpose of the logline -- to illustrate the central point, the main focus, of the movie/show. The girlfriend's death isn't the main focus. It's the inciting incident, something that happens and suddenly alters the protagonist's normal existence and introduces conflict. It's Harrison Ford being shot in the head in Regarding Henry. It's Jack Nicholson being forced to babysit a dog in As Good As It Gets. It's little Lukas Haas witnessing a murder in Witness. It's an important element, but it's not the point of the story. It doesn't hurt to mention it in the logline, but give us the brass tacks version and save the particulars for the script itself. I would find a compromise between the two log lines you said were suggested to you, because each is decent on its own but is missing something that the other has: "A mildly depressed young man tries to find happiness while dealing with the crazy antics at his workplace, a live call-in TV production." "Ethan struggles to find happiness after accidentally killing his girlfriend." Now combine the two: "A year after his girlfriend's death by misadventure, a young man struggles to move on while also dealing with the crazy antics of his work place, a call-in game show." As for her death, if you're concerned it won't play as comedic, MAKE it comedic. It's why I made it a point to say "death by misadventure." Such deaths are almost always the person's own fault. They were doing something stupid, of their own accord, being reckless and careless. You know, like people who think it would be funny to poke a fork into a light socket, or people who think it would be cool to tightrope walk between skyscrapers, or people who who do stupid YouTube challenges just so that their channel can get more hits (eh?). Hell, go for broke -- don't just have her break her neck, have her break wind at the same instant. Don't just have him panic when he sees the cockroach, have him scream like a little girl. These are fictional characters, have them die as humorously and with as little dignity as you'd like. |
Quoted from eldave1 Good suggestions, Lon. I would also to the writer - determine what the real problem for your hero is, Is it his job? Or is it that his romantic prospects are forever ruined after the world witnesses the death of his former girlfriend? |
Quoted from Tiago Thanks for your input. They both end to be troubles, the fact that her death was witnessed by many of her fans and the "ghost" that he has following him. He feels some blame and weight on is shoulders because of what is happened. And his job is also problematic with all the crazy stuff that happens and the situations his co-workers/friends put him into. Some of that will also bring those issues he has with her death too. Basically it's showing is life after what happened, both personal and professional. Did I make any sense? Thanks. |
Quoted from eldave1 I understand your point - I still believe there is a disconnect in the relationship between the accidental death and the crappy, crazy job. Did one cause the other??? Maybe: A man already overwhelmed by the chaos of working on a call-in game show, finds his future ruined when he accidentally, and quite publicly, contributes to the death of his girlfriend - a beloved YouTube star. |
Quoted from Tiago Thanks! My general ideia was that the story starts 1 year after the death. So he kinda tried ran away from his hometown and got that job after. My idea for the beginning is that it would start with a weird dream where she's there and tell him something like "Do you know which day is today?", because its exactly 1 year after the death. Then he is waken up by his quirky next door neighbor, who also puts him in some crazy adventures lol. That logline you propose means that he was already working there, which also sound good to me. I'll need to think better about it. |