shIT by King Stephenson - The Losers Club in Derry use some unorthodox methods in their battle against Pennywise  5 pages  - Short, Comedy

Hello Writer - I'm liking the title and pseudonym - My second read and I think, second pisser.

...yes pisser

OK - the story lost me but I'm not sure it completely matters - It had too much toilet humour for my liking (Yes, I know the challenge lol).

The ending was pretty decent for a pisser - good job.

I liked the theme of them knowing they are in a script but then it didn't carry on - felt you should have ran with that more.

This falls apart on page three. Despite making a joke about the first info dump that can easily let slide due to the comedy value, this doesn't carry forward. You get to do it once in a 5-page short. After that, I tried to stay in, but the Pennywise thing was just too out of nowhere... despite that being the premise. It just doesn't work. But a valiant effort.

Hi writer,

Great title considering the challenge. I'm a big fan of It (the novel), please don't ruin it for me...

Quoted Text BILL Its only a five page script. Having to juggle even dialogue between seven chars would make the read unrealistic.

This has the same issue as the script I just read. This is purely for the enjoyment of SS members. Does that make it a pisser? I guess so.

I get the pisser thing but how are we meant to score something that doesn't take it's self seriously?

Quoted Text TWENTY SEVEN YEARS LATER INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

Should be SUPER, and only after the new slug.

Some parts of this are quite funny, but I'm not sure best how to score it.

Will have to think about it.

All the best.

Another whistle in the anus script.

This is all very Freudian.

Okay, for a story combining shit with It, you really need to hone up on apostrophes e.g. it's = it is.

Some humour but it didn't really tickle my funnybone.
The info dump and script stuff was entertaining but then it went by the wayside. Perhaps you didn't have the time to develop that?
Whistles and spider sphincters? Not really my thing.

Hi Writer,

A spoof of It, nice idea.

First read, first joke about a whistle in the anus. I hope it's not a sign of what's to come...

Some parts were funny, but the script went downhill after page two.

Good effort, thought.

Title and logline pretty much give this away - that it's either going to really suck, or it's a pisser, pissing on King's IT.  Neither are going to work with me...I don't think, but you never know.  Let's see...

The SUPER is so poorly worded, missing a comma, and most likely a dash.  It's almost as if you purposely wrote it as poorly as you could.

So, here we go again...a character is talking about this being a script.  That's not a good sign of what's to come.

"Chud" - Nice try, but it's C.H.U.D. - Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers - hilariously terrible movie!

"The sight of me and It standing and gazing into each eyes won’t be riveting." - Again, if you're seriously trying to make the dialogue as cringe worthy as possible, you're succeeding by omitting words.  Just absolutely redonkulous!

Otay...the end.  There's some funny shit here for sure, but I can't really be impressed with a spoof of something unless that was the challenge, as you didn't create your own world, characters, story, nothing.

And to top it all off, the writing is terrible.

Story - nothing of your won doing

Characters - none of your own making

Dialogue - hit and miss between very funny to just absolutely terrible

Prose - poor

Criteria - I guess you get the points.

Not being a fan of horror, and not having seen/read IT, I'm not sure I'm best suited for scoring this script.

I'll have to decide if it's appropriate for me to or not.

I read it, and on its own, it was just okay. I'm thinking fans of IT might see more than me.

Sorry I can't give a better review. Just not much for me to offer.

shIT

okay, the good old early self-ironic fourth wall breaking…

more than that using screenwriting terminology that the "ordinary" audience isn't interested in or(and) unable to comprehend.

what now? I need to read it, right? Ahhh…

Well, I just have read such talking-to-me intro with a following crazy plot too often before. Sorry, perhaps I'll come back and read again to maybe find some more points for you, but for now I just want to open another one.

The other It spoof - my fave novel actually!  I had planned a spoof myself of It as the sewer theme immediately brought it to mind   But I went with something else.

Some great lines and images here but staying with the 4Th wall type dialogue may have been a better option as other reviews suggest.  Still, good effort and I got some laughs lol

I'm pretty much done with whistle up the ass scripts.  There's nothing much imaginative about it.  You may a try with something different by being self-referential and breaking that fourth wall, but it doesn't make for a great story.  The writing isn't awful, but it just doesn't really take off for me.  It's too cute for its own good.  It meets all the criteria, but for me that's about it.

Best of luck with it.

Another intentional pisser? Not too sure, this could be someone's serious attempt. I hope it was intentional!

Character development is pretty much zero. If there is, I'm too distracted by previous images from the movie(s).

Dialog is weak as is the prose. Comedy was poor but meets the criteria. Story, meh.

Sorry writer, but this one doesn't do it for me. Never been a fan of fourth wall breaking.

Feel like I was forgetting this as I was reading it. Lots of dialog, which isn't very funny IMO. And the actions lines aren't very visual at all. It just didn't grab me.

I do like the title, though. Lol

A writer with an actual sense of humor...writing a comedy! That alone should be worth some...good shit.

What really helps is that you kind of stuck the landing. I nice ending joke. Call it a story with a punchline.

I don't understand why people get soooooooo offended by a writer attempting a story for THEIR amusement! It's like you send me over a shot of Jaager at the bar and I say, "How rude! How dare you!"

None of these scripts is EVER going to get made. Writers should not be deceiving themselves. Comedies in sewers with whistles went out of vogue three years ago. We missed the boat.

So if the writer doesn't have a great concept, why not try to provide some entertainment for the gang?

I have no idea who wrote it. But I appreciate the gesture. And as there WAS some fun moments, it was not anymore a waste of time than any of the other shit-filled whistle-exploding It-parodying scripts.

???????


Loads of scripts get made.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films ??????? Loads of scripts get made.

Not loads of 5 page spoofs set in a sewer.

Exactly. As I think I made clear. But if I'm wrong, great! Happy to see someone sell their comedy in a sewer!

Films set in or featuring Sewers

The Third Man (1949) – The finale of this film features a frantic chase through the Vienna sewers. This iconic piece of Film Noir was voted ‘best film of the 20th Century’ by the British Film Institute. Apparently, Orson Welles disliked filming in the actual Viennese sewers, so some of the filming was relocated to sets built in UK studios.

The Italian Job (1969) – Michael Caine stars in the original film featuring the iconic chase scene of minis driven through sewers. The sewer scene was actually filmed in Stoke Aldermoor, Coventry.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) – The excellent Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a cyborg sent back in time to save the life of sixteen year old, John Connor. Riding a stolen Harley Davidson motorcycle, the pair are chased through the Los Angeles storm water management system, big enough to take a pursuing truck.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) – Whilst exploring the hidden tomb of a knight connected with the Holy Grail, Indy and his companion Elsa, are forced to escape the baddies by way of the sewers beneath the Venice library. And Elsa is a little squeamish.

Them! (1954) – A classic B movie starring mutant ants in the L.A. drainage system. Soldiers are sent to “drain 267” to attack the predators with flame-throwers.

Mimic (1997) – A journey through a dark and smelly mix of subways, sewers and basements for two doctors looking for giant cockroaches in the underbelly of New York.

Alligator (1980) – Probably the leader in a long line of 1980’s sewer-obsessed B movies, ‘Alligator’ is the tale of an unwanted baby pet flushed down the toilet that grows into a giant, man-hating monster. Lots of confined spaces and sharp teeth in this one!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) – Well-known residents of the New York sewer system, these crime-fighting, martial arts loving, pizza-eating juveniles work under the instruction of a humanoid rat and martial arts master, called Splinter.

The Phantom of the Opera (1924 & 2004 musical version) – the famous story of a disfigured, shadowy man haunting the activities of the Paris Opera House. The Phantom lives in the catacombs beneath the city plotting and scheming the downfall of those around the opera singer and object of his affection, Christine.

Les Miserables (2012) – Parisian sewers become a safe haven for Marius and Valjean as they flee the government troops in this epic tale of 19th Century rebellion.

Flushed Away (2006 animation) – London’s sewers are the scene for a pet rat’s social downfall after he falls down the toilet bowl. (voices by Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet and Sir Ian McKellen)

Ratatouille (2007 animation) – A rat, in love with fine cuisine and cookery, escapes through the sewers using a cookbook as a raft.

C.H.U.D. (1984) – New York sewer manhole covers strike out at unsuspecting passers-by concealing the identity of C.H.U.D.s – Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.

Johnny English (2003) – Spy spoof featuring Rowan Atkinson as the calamitous British secret agent. English climbs up the ancient sewer of a french castle to reach his nemesis, but these are communal loos used by the castle staff. The staff are on a break and one super-flush, comedically timed, hits the hapless hero on the way down as he tries to climb up.


It can happen. A Kung Fury style parody...why not?

Are any of those comedies? Sure, it's not impossible, but what are the odds of a five page comedy from a challenge being filmed? The odds seem so long to me that I have no problem with the writer having some fun as this writer did. And to repeat, I have no idea who wrote this.

Quoted from leitskev I have no idea who wrote this.

I know who wrote it!

Quoted from leitskev Are any of those comedies? Sure, it's not impossible, but what are the odds of a five page comedy from a challenge being filmed? The odds seem so long to me that I have no problem with the writer having some fun as this writer did. And to repeat, I have no idea who wrote this.

Four of them are. Including Ratatouille, which seems to have been the consistent inspiration behind a lot of the stories.

Rick, my comment was intended to be lighthearted. If someone is struck by a brilliant comedy idea about sewers for this challenge, great. My point was that we should lighten up a little. This writer chose to have a little fun. He or she didn't feel inspired with something that might lead to the next Ninja Turtles. So they played with us a little. We should be able to smile and move on to the next story, and I guess that bext one could be the basis for a film. I wish this was a bar. I'd buy us a round of shots, argument over, and I then I could happily listen to you talk about films! Should the topic ever turn to sports I could contribute. Unless it's soccer.

I think spoofs should all be DQ'd.

If not, they get the lowest score in story and characters, as they're not even being created.

The characters are not his own, score it low on that. The story is his, the dialog, the prose.

It doesn't matter if you didn't create the characters, once you take them on they become your version of those characters. Parodies shouldn't be marked down, that would be unfair.

Wow, I thought it was dumb and pointless until the ending.

The ending carries the weight of the script. You had to have it in the middle and then end it somehow to keep our attention though.

It had to come up in the middle. It would be great if it did.
Right now I think this has a great deal of potential. I don't think it's there as it loses a reader really. It reads like it's about nothing, and it's hard to understand.
I mean until the end. Please rewrite and make it great.

I'm a massive King fand and IT is one of my faves... so let's see.

I liked it, felt like a genuine attempt to be funny throughout.

Georgie losing his other arm made me giggle, not showing the confrontation with IT was clever too.

Yep, worked for me.

Very enjoyable spoof of the original. Perhaps it references the original a little too often, because it slowed down its forward momentum as it caused me to relive the happenings in the original story. Georgie’s appearance, sans arm, was funny, and the having to shove the whistle up the spider’s “clacker” was great. Too bad about Georgie losing that second arm.

Another pisser, but worse. A spoof.

It barely borrows the characters from It except in name. These are definitely spoof versions and original. But they aren't very good, they all sound the same.

The writing isn't terrible, it flows pretty well. Someone had fun with this. Fair enough, but it isn't everyone's cup of tea.

You nailed the tone for what you were going for, but more importantly, you nailed the punchline. Nicely set up and a terrific delivery.

It doesn't make this particularly good, but it is memorable and it did make me laugh. The execution gives you extra marks in prose even though you flubbed a few things. Sadly I can't say the same for characters and story, they're still lacking, but the dialogue worked for what it was so you get points there too.

This one started off with promise.  By the end, the story had lost it's way.  This one meets the challenge.