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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  The 2019 Writers' Tournament  /  Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind - WT5
Posted by: Don, July 2nd, 2019, 7:32pm
Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind by Richard Doofus - When their construction truck breaks down, two workers pass the time by playing with their tools. - Short, Sci Fi
Posted by: Zack, July 2nd, 2019, 8:33pm; Reply: 1
Short, cute story. Well written. Meets the criteria.

Good work. I like it. :)
Posted by: LC, July 2nd, 2019, 8:58pm; Reply: 2
Well, you get points for getting an entry in - literally as well as figuratively. :)

And, it's short and sweet.

I wondered if someone might use the object as musical instrument.

The story itself doesn't quite hit the mark for me, but with a few tweaks, maybe...
I just anticipated a bit more with the logline but good effort all the same.
Posted by: Warren, July 3rd, 2019, 12:28am; Reply: 3
Hi writer,


Quoted Text
Californian Mojave Desert


If it's important to the story put it in a SUPER.

So not a whole lot to this, it okay for what it is, funny ending. Not really a story just a one trick pony. I'm sure you know that as it's a page and a half long.

So the broken down car isn’t a location at any point. It’s in a location. I'm happy if people aren’t in a car the entire time just like any other location in this tourney, but considering that is part of the criteria I don’t feel it has been met. Others may be more lenient.

Good use of the saw and its definitely sci-fi.

All the best.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, July 3rd, 2019, 4:28am; Reply: 4
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE NERD KIND

Okay, you've chosen to walk with a little skit here. Annnnndd… it works as I see it. Using the saw as an instrument hasn't crossed my mind, however it's possible. Surely, this isn't overly exciting but I could definitely imagine it as a little piece for commercials. Good choice to go simple I think. Criteria's well met.
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, July 3rd, 2019, 7:20am; Reply: 5
Hello writer

A page and a half - THANKYOU

More like a joke than a story, a joke that may be lost on me - I've never ordered an Uber, does it have to be done with music? probably not - with the app I guess. Maybe Uber can use this for one of their adverts.

Well done for completing the tournament
Posted by: Fais85, July 3rd, 2019, 9:40am; Reply: 6
Short and cute. Innovative use of handsaw. However, as a location, I am not sure if this fits in the criteria or not. But I liked this one.
Posted by: jayrex, July 3rd, 2019, 12:01pm; Reply: 7
It’s okay.  I think you started with the ending and worked backwards.  It meets the criteria.  Short & sweet.
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, July 3rd, 2019, 6:29pm; Reply: 8
Short, cute and more of a joke than a real story to it... but I liked it for what it was.

Decent effort.
Posted by: Gary in Houston, July 4th, 2019, 8:37am; Reply: 9
Hey, it's a real short short!!!  My deepest appreciation to you for saving my eyeballs from the extra read!

We have a broken down truck -- they're actually sitting on the truck so bonus points for having them on or in the vehicle.  You used the saw in a way I wasn't anticipating, so good there, and you have space ships.  So criteria met.

Look, it's not Aaron Sorkin, but it's fun and quick and harmless.  And a nice call out to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, both in the title and the calling of the space ships.  

Best of luck, and congrats on finishing the Challenge!
Gary
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, July 4th, 2019, 9:39am; Reply: 10
Ooooo silly me lol

I've never seen close encounters of the third kind - I get this now lol talk about a late penny drop.
Posted by: eldave1, July 4th, 2019, 11:03am; Reply: 11
Meets the parameter - liked the way you used the saw.

Well written enough - but not a lot of there - there for me. As soon is the ship appeared, you knew where it was going based on your title.

Good effort for three days
Posted by: PKCardinal, July 4th, 2019, 12:16pm; Reply: 12
I liked it.

They're sitting on the truck bed, so, I definitely think parameters are met.

Sure, it's silly, but it made me laugh, so that's a win in my book.

Well done.

(Logline fits the tone of the piece. Must admit, wasn't looking forward to reading about two guys playing with their "tools.")
Posted by: Spqr, July 4th, 2019, 3:13pm; Reply: 13
Short but entertaining. And the saw was actually used to accomplish something, not just used as a prop. The saw music calling down a space uber was funny, but I would’ve thought the irritating sound would’ve drawn a space cop instead.
Posted by: JEStaats, July 5th, 2019, 12:53pm; Reply: 14
I'm so disappointed! I loved it all the way to the final line and then...blah. I was hoping for so much more.

Very creative and well written for just three pages. Challenge met. Good characters.

Please rework the ending. This could be really cool, funny, action packed, horrific....
Posted by: FrankM, July 6th, 2019, 11:28am; Reply: 15
Is this set in the same world as Off Grid? :)
Not a fan of the "music" in the action lines, but I can't come up with a better way to do it, so no points off.
This is a funny joke and punchline, and it meets the criteria, but there's no actual story here.
Posted by: ReneC, July 8th, 2019, 10:58pm; Reply: 16
Yup, short and not much of a story, more of a joke. All that's missing is the Ba-dum-dum drum at the end.

Still meets the criteria. And more points than missing out, so if you squeaked this one in, nicely done.

I've played the saw. It's fun.
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