Penalty for Revenge by Arthur L Burton III - Short, Drama - Rape doesn't excuse murder as Britney and John are going to face prosecution for taking the law into their own hands. 28 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Okay, I really wanted to like this. It started off good. There were some spelling errors which I let pass cause I liked where the story was going and mostly how it was being done. Then all the wheels flew off.

"Britney opens the door and John a tell slender 17 year old." ~~What happened to the rest of the line? Bad description.

"MRS. BAKER
Where is Ben?" ~~How does she know his name and who he is if he's just her mother's boyfriend?

"The policeman calls two officers and they leave the police station. One hour passes and they return." ~~Time can't be described like that in script form.

From the prison cell on with the judge and lawyer, it just seemed really messed up. Adults talking this way? When lawyer Brian and Isabel go into the arcade looking for John, they don't even know what to look for and just listen for anyone called 'John' in a crowded arcade? Adults doing this?

Uh, sorry to sound harsh but the third act read rushed and characters' behavior and dialog made it cringe inducing. A lot of the dialog sounded like a badly dubbed movie. But, it did have the feel of an Italian crime/exploitation film, which is good. Again, really wanted to root for it but the logic and typos had me shaking my head and walking away a few times.