Cliff's Edge by Chris Beadnell - Short, Drama - When all seems lost, someone may have heard your cry. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Lol I enjoyed that, well done.

From a technical point of view I would put the nodding into action rather than in a parenthetical.

I would also refrain from showing us the body hanging from the rope, this is a joke and you have delivered the punchline, no real need to show us that bit.

A funny micro short. Good luck with it

Thank you Matthew.

I was struggling whether to keep the last scene in or not. Being a one page script, less, of course is more. And I knew the reveal had already been made but my mind's eye I saw the last visual as being the final "gasp".

But I do get the value of leaving the audience wondering, was he eventually found? was he actually having a heart attack? did he die? I suppose I opted for finality and a further touch of meanness to the work.

I really appreciate your feedback. CB

Nice and funny little short.

Although I agree with Matthew that the punchline is already delivered in the 2nd scene, I think the last shot of him hanging on the rope gives a proper conclusion to the whole story. I liked that.

Very well done.

What a clever premise.  Well done.

Some places are just a bit too sparse for my taste - note - others will find it just right. But by way of example, here:

Quoted Text Billy (11) walks near the cliff. A rope is tied to a large tree. He edges to the cliff and looks down.

I'd rather not have instant reaction from Billy.  Let him inspect the rope for a minute - see that it is taut - look down it's length towards the cliff.

Quoted Text Fifteen metres below, CRAIG (49) is on the rope and still a long way to the ground. He looks unwell. Spots the boy above.

The action verbs are a bit pedestrian - you can pop this up a little more. e.g., Billy walks near the cliff could be Billy kicks pebbles with his shoes as he meanders near the cliff.

Craig is on the rope - a little more pop as - Craig precariously dangles on the rope.

These are all nits of course - I love this premise and enjoyed the story. Nice work.

Thanks Dave and Fais85 for the read and comments.

Dave, thanks for your feedback. I agree that it could be sparked up a little.

This was my first script for 3 years due to some health concerns and then having a baby (well my wife, not me), so it's great to get back into the groove again.

Cheers  CB

Quoted from cbead Thanks Dave and Fais85 for the read and comments. Dave, thanks for your feedback. I agree that it could be sparked up a little. This was my first script for 3 years due to some health concerns and then having a baby (well my wife, not me), so it's great to get back into the groove again. Cheers  CB

My pleasure - welcome back

Some pretty dark humor here. I like it. ;D

Agree with Dave that some of the action descriptions could be punched up a bit. Not that they are bad as they are, just a bit bland.

Still, this is an enjoyable one-pager. Good work.

Cliff's Edge: FILMED !

An extended re-written 7 page  script.  Filmed at Noosa and Brisbane, Queensland in February 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UXuHjxKg2g

I hesitate to give you a not quite glowing review here cause having our work produced is a big deal, so kudos to you for that.

I just felt really conflicted with exactly what I should come away feeling from this.

The tone felt confusing. It's very dark. Nothing at all wrong with dark themes.
There's black comedy to be mined here and also suspense. I just felt both should have been utilised more.

Does the longer version of your script explore this?

Having watched the filmed version I read the original one-pager and one thing that struck me is that your child character might work better (on film) if younger and not fully understanding the gravity of the situation. An eleven year old would surely twig more. As is it kinda implies the non-hearing child was not very smart  when he takes a thumbs-up signal as literally AOK. I think more conflict was needed in the scene and it should have been drawn out more between these two characters e.g., Craig imploring Billy to get help, Billy seeming to understand, (your audience then breathes a sigh of relief) but then not - and then your audience freaks out.

Your guy is painted as not very smart as well. He's recovering from having a stent put in but then he goes abseiling in the middle of nowhere on his own? I'm not convinced you even needed that whole situation as set-up. And his phone not clipped onto his arm?

I think with some tweaks you have a sound premise but I don't think the exploration of what could be great tragi-comedy was fully explored in this particular rendition.

Jmho, of course.

Thanks LC. The final production was not exactly how I envisaged. I suppose every writer will feel that to some degree.

The interaction between  Billy and Craig was supposed to be more as you described.  Even on set I didn't say too much but did have to get the Director to re shoot Craig doing a thumbs up as that was missed initially... So in the film you certainly notice the different colouring in that sequence due to being 2 hours later. And some of the acting was a bit wooden.

It is based on an actual event... I am a Paramedic, trust me people are this stupid.

The Dir/Prod wants to film more of my scripts which is great... I have discussed with him for me to take more of a role in rehearsal and script supervision.

Thanks for your thoughts I really appreciate it.

Chris, I'm glad you took my comments in the spirit intended.
I requested a filmmaker pull one of mine from the Festival Circuit. It was not good and they had no Option so that worked out.

You're in an enviable position having someone want to film more of your Shorts so that's terrific, and there was some lovely photography on this one. Did it have a DP attached?

Hopefully as time goes by you get more input.
I look forward to seeing more, particularly as they're being shot in Oz. :)

Congrats Chris, some of the scenery in this film is amazing. Not gonna lie, wished I had read the original script. Gotta be good to hear the director wants to film more of your scripts.:)-A