After 2 months of work, I can finally release my first short film, which is based on my own script. I hope anyone here would like to read it and see how does it look as a movie. Looking forward to your reviews.

LILLY - From now being someone, who she did not want to erase became less frightening than seeing how it is to be yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dUvp4DqHW4&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3qgMNy4xj6aYeWmXotJxJEK8uEsNCQZ2Qprz5Pee44L3JlD_tO9jEELGM

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ntnngeiti068hbv/LILLY.pdf.script.pdf?dl=0

Michal, I love the concept - applying the mask and then being unable to remove it is a great idea. Nice commentary on superficiality and the real v the mask we don for the world, and the irony at the end of Lilly not being able to get her true self back.

As an NESB writer some things are getting a bit lost in the translation. Example: We should seat there should be: We should sit there - though it really should be: we should sit down... cause they're a bit drunk and wobbly after their night out.  :)

Honestly, your logline needs a revamp.

LILLY - From now being someone, who she did not want to erase became less frightening than seeing how it is to be yourself.

Suggest something like:

A young woman discovers putting on a mask for the rest of the world results in instant popularity, but erasing yourself can be a nightmare.

Or:

A young woman creates an alter-ego and discovers aspiring to be popular can be a nightmare.

Best not to give the denouement in your logline.

Interesting choice of still shots in the filmed version, strangely gives it a vibe and works, but it needs some polish.

Good on you for getting in there and filming your own work. :)

Thank u so much for spending your time on the script and film. I am so grateful that person like you, who is interested in screenwriting and probably in the industry thinks that there is some potential in LILLY.

Certainly, my English is not my first language and the grammar mistake with "seat" seems so stupid for me now, but you know I learned this tongue by myself and I never used it for longer than a week, while being abroad. Dialogue is always a problem.
I see your point about the log line. However, this phrase it's much more like a poetry piece for me and I love the fact, that I can tell this story in one sentence, as well as in whole 5 minute short film.
Thank u for reviewing my first short

💕

Michal, I understand (sort of) your desire to make the logline poetic but my opinion is you might be mixing a logline up with a movie tagline.

Famous taglines:

Alien: In space, no one can hear you scream.
Ghostbusters: Who ya gonna call?
Jaws: You'll never go in the water again.

Either way, my concern is your current logline doesn't make sense grammatically, in English..