Charity Shop by Sebastian Gran - Short, Comedy - A bored charity shop employee is constantly exacerbated by an incredibly sheltered work experience kid. 18 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

@Sebastian

First of all, Comedy is tough - We struggle with it constantly.  I suppose there is a certain sensibility you're going for.  It's not slapstick.   Not sarcastic.  Not dark.  Nor sophomoric.  What else is there???  In any case, I can't seem to find your comedic tone.  

Hmm... Allow me to rephrase... A mime being flattened by a 18-wheeler and miming his injuries to paramedics.  Comic gold.  Maybe other's notions of funny aren't as grandiose as mine.   Maybe yours is... and just missed the mark with me.

Gotta backtrack to mention,  only read about eight pages.  That said, since most comedies are not terribly plot-driven, methinks the lead character has to do a lot of heavy lifting and this is connected to his/her arc.   In this case, Gale seems to be doing that.  If that helps ya.  

Luv your character descriptions.

This is just my observation.  JMHO.  Anyway, best of luck.  :)-Andrea