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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Comedy Scripts / Gay Bear
Posted by: Don, October 20th, 2019, 12:10pm
Gay Bear by Raz Willis - Comedy, Satire - Three high school pals on a camping trip are traumatized by a black bear invasion. When a local news station desperate for newsworthy content discovers the video of the bear chomping one of the boys between the legs, rumors spread that the animal was curious. 115 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Sam, October 20th, 2019, 12:53pm; Reply: 1
Hey Naz, I took a look at the first 15 because the title caught my eye. Not sure I'm a fan of the title but hey.
Your formatting looks spot on. It's easy and clear to read.
I would suggest you edit the opening scene. It's like 4 pages of talking. You also kick off with some heavy exposition. I'm sure there's a better version of that scene if you cut it down.
You have some long scenes of people talking which usually I wouldn't like but it gave the three guys real chemistry. They talk how friends should talk. They discuss the past and talk about who they like. I enjoyed it.
You also have them out camping in just a few pages which is good.
Just by reading the log line I would expect to not like the story. Using homosexuality as a punch line isn't funny or interesting but you have this down as satire so maybe it's commentary on that.
If I have time I'll try and give some more a read. I liked it so far and I hope the satire is there and it isn't just a film about people calling each other gay and being insulted.
Sam
Posted by: Don, November 27th, 2023, 5:37pm; Reply: 2
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