Flowers on a Saturday by Jason K. Allen - Short, Drama - An elderly man and woman cross paths while visiting the graves of their departed spouses. Sparks don't exactly fly, but sometimes a simple connection is enough. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey writer,

This was very poignant - not the most original idea, but the way you drew Elmer was cute and endearing, and sad of course.

The opening confused me - a field? I had questions about why she was buried in a field instead of a cemetery. Or is it a cemetery?

And if this is the first time he sees Ruby, I think you need context - he would see a freshly dug grave with dirt on top, the grass of course would not have taken root yet.

In Elmer's speech, you go from conversation to him saying he misses Ethel back to conversation - wondering if the "miss you so much" part should come right before he meets Ruby? Maybe not.

Otherwise, easy to film - you need two gravestones and two actors - so I think someone will film this.

Good job and good luck with it -

AJR

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