Mary and Dionysus - Print Topic

This was a very captivating story. It held my interest throughout, and never really disappointed me. The main characters are given enough time to come to each other's aid which was very wise, I think. They have both been deeply hurt, are both SUICIDAL, in fact. They do eventually begin to help one another, but even by the story's ending, their relationship isn't all rainbows and lollipops. They still have a way to go, and that felt honest to me.

Now some random thoughts (in no particular order):

The story, if I read it correctly, takes place in Northern France (although this is never stated outright. The prostitute, Abelle, speaks in French, as does Jules, the bookshop owner. Mary and Dionysus, on the other hand appear to be British (there is all this "Bloody this" and "bloody that" in their dialog, and this is an expression rarely used in the States). So....

I think it might've helped to have you identify the settings and perhaps even the places from which the main characters come. I try, when reading any script, to immerse myself as fully as possible, and that means trying to imagine the accents with with the characters are speaking. Had I known that Dionysus, for instance, was a Brit I wouldn't have insisted on picturing him as Robert Downey Jr. the whole time :) (By the way, Downey, Jr. -- although somewhat older than your Dionysus -- certainly would bring a Dionysian attitude to the film, don't you think?)

There are a number of vital Flashbacks (pages 44, 46, 61, 85 and maybe elsewhere) and even a Dream Sequence (page 50, if I understood it correctly) that should probably have been identified as such.

In a similar vein, I thought the sequence of small vignettes at the bottom of page 91 should have been identified as a Montage.

Your use of the directive CUT TO: is inconsistent and I'm told we're not supposed to put them in our scripts these days anyway. But then I'm a rank amateur, so what do I know?

I'm not sure your structure fits as nicely into the so-called 3-act structure that us wannabes read about in all the How-to books. But So What? For what it may be worth I liked it that your story didn't follow some rigid formula.

I want to complement you on the nice fake-out on page 18 when Mary asked Dionysus for assistance "one soul to another." I thought this was WAY too early for them to connect on some deep philosophical basis. But then I quickly that learned Mary was talking only of Vodka. And it made me chuckle.

There are a number of typos. I won't list them, but you may wish to double check. But there are always typos, if my scripts are any indication.

Finally, I liked Dionysus's jokes...even if Mary found them lame :)

Really nice job.