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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Drama Scripts  /  A Rare Kind of Revenge
Posted by: Don, December 11th, 2019, 10:17pm
A Rare Kind of Revenge by Nekrasov Alexey - Drama - Doghunters and animal defenders forget their disagreements and try together to find a way out of a trap, organized by a man, who turned into a maniac because of a personal tragedy. He prepared a rare kind of revenge for an offender for his childish dido that occurred a quarter of century ago. 96 pages

treatment - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: eldave1, December 12th, 2019, 12:08pm; Reply: 1
This script has a few issues out of the gate. However, I only read and comment on scripts where the writer  responds to the comments made.  Let me know if you're here by responding to this.
Posted by: eldave1, December 16th, 2019, 8:42pm; Reply: 2
There are some few problems in the translation - I know that must be a tough task. Anyway:

EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD – DAYTIME

By the side of the road, there is a pack of homeless dogs
basking in the sun. A truck is driving by, the dogs jump up,
start barking.

Not very efficient writing and in an active voice by getting rid of the ing words. Try something like:

EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD – DAYTIME

A pack of homeless DOGS bask in the sun.

A truck approaches. The dogs jump up, BARK.

Here:


Quoted Text
Behind the truck there is a car going, a driver is trying to
bypass the animal, but fails and is going to the oncoming lane,
where a terrible accident takes place.


You need a more details - what is the accident? And again, avoid the ing words. e.g.,

The driver tries to bypass the animal.

Is beter
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