Unrequited - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, January 11th, 2020, 10:14am

Unrequited by Ara Shahinian - Short, Drama - An obsessed lover who's had a change of heart stalks his ex on a train to win her back despite her being happily married and with her husband. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: AndyJ, January 11th, 2020, 11:03am; Reply: 1

You really need a logline, we need to know what it's about, I nearly didn't read it because of no logline.

It's pretty well written, very descriptive, maybe too much for a 5 minute short. Budget wise it would be pretty high.
I think you should have introduced the "MAN" as "DEMETRE".

I couldn't work out the bit below:

"the attendee anxiously directs him to an available
seating towards the back but the Man suggests the seat next
to him; a perfect angle on Lisette."

Oh OK, reading it again here I think I get it. Did you mean the seat next to where he was at that point in time?

Posted by: DBSeeker, January 11th, 2020, 2:05pm; Reply: 2

I appreciate you reading it, unfortunately I uploaded the wrong draft. Although I love this website, it's a nightmare to update your own thread or to post screenplays in real-time.

I have no idea how to remove this draft and to replace it with the current one. I believe this website would benefit from a newer system to give users more power, sorta like reddit. Sorry, I don't mean to be bossy or anything cause I'm certainly appreciative of this website.

Can any moderator please help me out here? Suggestions on how I can replace this screenplay?

Thank you very much.

Posted by: AndyJ, January 11th, 2020, 3:45pm; Reply: 3

Just go back to the Submit page and check the box for "This is an update to a script, logline, genre, or title already on the site."

Posted by: LC, January 11th, 2020, 5:20pm; Reply: 4

AndyJ, thanks for pointing Ara aka DB, in the right direction.

This is a valuable tool to help navigate all things SS.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1124159895/s-0/

This link's a great resource:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/

And, if you so desire:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/

Oh, and this one re loglines, which you could do with adding to your script, DB, as Andy pointed out:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-logline/

Posted by: Don, January 19th, 2020, 9:19am; Reply: 5

Quoted from DBSeeker

Your confirmation email has information about updating and removing your work from the site.

- Don

Posted by: LC, January 19th, 2020, 5:30pm; Reply: 6

What Don said.

In the meantime Ara, you can also use a file sharing program to post a new draft directly to this thread:via Dropbox, Google drive etc.