Missing by Zackary Strunin - Short, Drama - When a disheveled cop links a cold kidnapping case to the case of his missing daughter, he suspects and harasses his family-oriented neighbor, even when his boss and ex-wife urge him to stop. 25 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This was a really good logline but unfortunately the script was too unfocused. ADELAIDE WERNER, 25-40. DAVID WERNER, 45-60. Why the large gap in age range? Some of the action lines are formatted as though they were dialog -- what happened there?

Then there's some dialog like this:

CRAIG
Goddamit! (screaming)
Where is she? Where the fuck is my
daughter? Where the fuck is my
daughter, Adelaide? Do you hear me?

ADELAIDE
(crying, hysterical)
No!!

CRAIG
Where is she? Where the fuck is she?
Where the fuck is my daughter?

CRAIG(CONT'D)
Where the fuck is my fucking
daughter?!

Also Adelaide sounds like some adult-child in the interrogation scene. Maybe she's meant to be that way but her dialog is awkward.

Good premise. Just pro it up and write more "adult" dialog and it could be really good.