SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Drama Scripts / Depresso Like Espresso
Posted by: Don, February 9th, 2020, 4:01pm
Depresso Like Espresso by Chase Mykleby - Short, Drama - A teenage boy who has suffered from mutism for 8 years, finds a way to express himself, through music. 13 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, February 9th, 2020, 9:02pm; Reply: 1
Chase:
Add a title page
Lose the watermarks.
Write in an active voice - it will pop more, Also - delete unneeded descriptions and CAP your characters when intro'd. . e.g., this
Quoted Text
A middle aged man (40s) is driving a car and a middle aged
Better as:
A MAN (40s,), drives.
Posted by: Arundel, February 10th, 2020, 12:29am; Reply: 2
Nice enough story. Kind of like an After School Special. The Mom and Dad's lines at the beginning are kind of weird. Some may critique you for not giving the main character, the boy, a formal name. I'm thinking that since he doesn't speak the no-name may add to the character's silence or anonymity.
Don't get the title. Like it but how does it fit to the story? Makes it sound like it's going to be a comedy.