"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks
Bear in mind that humor is such a personal thing so I'm not saying that what you've written isn't funny, all I'm saying is it didn't ring my bell -- Other readers may fall about laughing.
You got the kernel of some funny with the skateboarding accident, but it doesn't POP with me. Your biggest problem is the payoff. Or lack there of. It falls short of feeling complete. In other words, no punch line.
Also, your exposition seems a little forced from the very first words we hear. It's almost like they're having that conversation just for the sake of the audience.
Code ANDRE
---So yeah, I had a stomach bug a
few weeks back, but didn’t think it
was worth bothering you about.
Other than that, I’ve been great |
|
Nit-picky stuff: action lines crammed into a parenthetical.
Humor for me that works when read is all about cleverness and wit. I really can't remember the last time I literally laughed out loud at something from reading it so take my comments with a grain of salt I guess. :)Best of Irish luck!-A
Oh, and one more thing -- pay attention to logic, though. Don't sacrifice it to tell a joke -- unless you're shooting for the "anything goes" nature of SNL skits.
Edited: Ok - another criticism. I don't like the title. It's too obvious. (on the nose)