Katie and the Hitman by Glynn Turner - Thriller - A ruthless hitman feels a connection to a little girl he is supposed to do away with, but caring for her will carry consequences. 96 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Glynn. I'm newish at script writing so I don't think my comments would / should carry much, if any weight. But---  

I've read many scripts that mostly follow the "rules" of how to script write. Never have I read one like yours. You have a unique manner  / skill of writing dialogue in action, and in some writing action in dialogue, putting me inside the Hitman's (head) eyes looking out. Dialogue so emotional it required no parenthetical, of which you never used. All making for a more visual than telling - it threw me into / part of the movie.. I has the Hitman.

The story is very good! hitting hard at the end bringing the beginning to unfold at the end.

WOW!

Barry John      
      

Barry John, you are very kind, thank you for your words.  I am, by no means, an expert, but its always nice to have such a wonderful note from someone, thank you, I'm glad you liked it.  I read many scripts and wish I could write as well as other people.  

Thanks again.  
Glynn

--You most welcome.

Barry John