Bridges by James Austin McCormick - Short, Drama - A suicidal man is comforted by a stranger but soon begins to suspect he might be better off without her help. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I feel like I've read a version of this before. ?

James, nicely done. Very creepy. I love the tables being turned in the first part,.

This line's a bit iffy:
JOE
Hey now.
Is he saying: Hey, now! Meaning, get away from me?

LUCY (same as Karl, early twenties, college type) laughs.
I'm not a big fan of how you write descriptions in brackets, seems unnecessarily convoluted to me. You might also consider turning off your character (CONT'D s) in your software to make the read more streamlined.

This script is a perfect example where the shift in narrative actually benefits with the CUT TO:

I felt so down.
Not convinced you need that spoon-feeding line, and I'd argue it breaks the rhythm just a tiny bit. We get what's happening in that moment.

The Legend is a great idea - would make for a terrific longer Feature horror.
Very enjoyable. Hope to see you more of you around, SS, James.

OWC coming up:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0520/m-1588990494/s-0/
Might be up your alley. :)

Hello, James,

Nice little creep you wrote.

Although the character descriptions could have been more clear, they sound a bit lazy and seemed that you didn't cared much. But since it a short, for some people it may not be much of an issue.

Some dialogs were just too obvious, the actions explain themselves clearly.

I personally feel it should have been a bit longer to properly set the mood and the atmosphere but nonetheless a nice effort.

Good luck.

Thanks for your feedback and very helpful comments. I'll keep them in mind.

I haven't posted this one before. It's new.

I didn't really want it to be quite so short, but when I added more dialogue it seemed a little too forced.

Thanks again :-)

NICE.. Nice mind-mell story

Thanks, glad you liked it   :)