Hi Akhileshuvar,
First of all, good on you for getting something written!! Congrats!!…
There are a few things you are going to have to work on though… sorry, but hey it’s all good, we have all been there….:)
First… You write in past tense, which is a big No, No in screenwriting. So study up on writing in present tense...:)
Your sluglines should indicate the where action is taking place i.e. INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT not INT. HOUSE - NIGHT. If they are in the house we need to know which part of the house they are in... i.e INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT or INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT. And when your story is taking place in many rooms in the house, you can use mini slugs.. like this... KITCHEN, BEDROOM. If the scene takes you out of the house or some other location, then takes you back inside the house inside you will need to start back up with a full slug of INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT, then if the next scene is in the kitchen you can use the mini slug KITCHEN...
When you introduce characters you need to capitalize them, but only on the first introduction, and give them an age and a physical description.....i.e. BRAD, 30, buff and tall, along with his wife ANA, 31, petite, with long black hair, sit on the couch and watch a late-night movie.
Physical descriptions have a world of their own and it's something you need to read up on and learn to do effectively. My examples are very basic :).
I realize English is your second language and that is just something you will need to work on separately. Hey, English is my first language and I had to and still have to do a lot of work on my grammar.
"Brad stopped talking. He thought he needed to check something
down,maybe the cops needed his help. He immediately bent down
and pulled something from under the bed. It was a SHOVEL"
Writing the thoughts of the characters is a big NO, NO. You must show the audience through action what's going on in the characters head... the above action is wrong. it should be more along the lines of... "Brad stops talking, pauses, then bends down and pulls out a gun from under the bed."
This shows us he's willing to help, the pause is that he had to think for a moment.. before deciding to act. Also a shovel under the bed is very unrealistic. As soon as I read that I thought, who has a shovel under the bed??? :) :).
As for the story, it is very basic. If you like I will come back to this and explain why.
I did like how it was a tense slowish burn at the beginning. Having us all wonder what was down there. I assumed it was a ghost or demon. I liked the character realizing something was holding the door shut from the other side and that is wasn't locked, that was creepy.
Anyways I hope this helps, just read lots of scripts and keep writing.
Cheers, Kirsten