Night Trippin' by Sir Mix and Match - Chandelier, Theater Actor, Clothing Store - Short, Horror

Maybe I'm missing a cue here. I have not read Othello, so maybe that makes the difference. There is a connection to it I feel.

Quoted Text He and closes the medicine cabinet and sees, in the mirror, a reflection himself covered in blood. Running down his face and entire body.

Minor typos.

For what it is, confused me at the end(or I say, didn't get it completely) but still a nice read. Which seems odd. Don't you think?

Bonne chance!

This is a little messy, with incomplete slugs, typos, etc - which I understand given the constraints, but a another sweep afterwards will tidy things up.

There's sort of a Joker feel to this, reasonably honest man snaps after life kicks him in the face one too many times.

I can't decide though if this is a drama or a very dark comedy as some of it feels too OTT to be anything other than comedy. It doesn't really tick the horror box for me though.

Interesting

More of a psycho-drama than horror, but I prefer those anyway. Man pushed over the edge vibe, loses his sanity. Just like some of the other entries (Petey & Cody comes to mind), would be interesting if told from one of the other characters' perspective. Just to see who the "villain" really is. Just speculation. Good entry overall.

So much of this is written well but then some misspelling and grammatical errors really derail the read. There must be some ties to Othello that I just don't know (sorry). Points for the location change and making it part of the story. The party down the hall neighbors were a bit over the top too, having DJ with an AK in his belt. Overall, though, I actually enjoyed reading this. Good job.

KANSAS
May the winds blow till they have
wakened death.
BODYGUARD
Say what?

Worth reading alone for that. Cracked me up.  ;D

I know Othello well. Because of that I think you could have capitalised on that theme - like a story within the story more -make it more about jealousy and his mounting paranoia - which is what Othello is all about.. Make Arby the girlfriend of Kansas - she's partying upstairs with the noisy neighbours while he's trying to rehearse his part. You could then have another character convince him she's up to no good. He inhabits the part and it makes him even crazier. I get the feeling that was the track you were on? The mugging bit doesn't add to the story imho.

You have all the ingredients there - the mugging just seemed an odd detour.

Loved the chandelier dropping. Great moment. The duck was a bit, hmm.
The last scene was a bit, ooh, better bring out the gore.

Great tone, more in keeping for psychological horror.

This has funny dialog at places.

Nice work. A story of a guy gone crazy. It has some horror elements too. All the variable are used even a chandelier. I thought he was gonna hang himself, but this kind of ending is even better. I went through suggestions here and really liked what Libby said. Make the dancing girl at the rapper's apartment ex-girlfriend of Kansas if you ever going to expand this and turn it into something more.

Yeah don’t know Othello but I kind of get the feel of this.

My first thought was why would an apartment have a chandelier in it? I thought they were only found in posh mansions lol.

A decent effort here but could’ve done much more with the easy variables and genre.

Hi,

This is a curious one for me. Othello is a complex tale that includes racism, revenge and jealousy yet none of these themes seem to have been touched upon in your story and I think that may have been an opportunity missed.
Although the story here is reflective of Kansas' mental breakdown, the introduction of another character or two to reflect Othello's themes may have helped.
But in five pages you managed to convey the disintegration of a man beaten down by life.

Well done.

I felt like I was trippin reading this. An apartment with a chandelier in and another apartment with a 24 hour party, a DJ with an AK47 in his belt, a bodyguard and scantily clad women!

Didn't read like a horror and felt like I needed to be familiar with Othello to really appreciate some of the finer detail, but I'm not.

All elements covered and reading this did make me smile and wonder what had been added to my green tea, so thanks for that!

-Mark

So Kansas is being evicted, has to borrow money for a shirt but is having roast duck for dinner? I have no gripe with the apartment chandelier because my friend has one in her walk in closet. IMO if you showed us more of Kansas' plight, we might be able to sympathize with him...connect with the stress he must be under since most of us have been there. But he loses it so quickly, and when he got shot I didn't really care. Just needs a little more.

Best of luck.

Well, put me down as another reader who doesn’t know Othello (other than as a board game).

Nice way of working in all the variables, and to my reading it’s close enough to horror. Apartments can definitely have cheap chandeliers in them.

I don’t think you meant the DJ has an assault rifle under his belt. There are big pistols and submachinceguns that would work just as well.

This was a little random and all over the map for me, with variables that kind of could have come together in a more synergistic manner.

I did like the Othello quotes out of left field.

Kudos for using Kansas and Arby as proper names, though now for some reason I want to have a roast beef sandwich while I listen to Leftoverture.

AJR