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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Review My Logline  /  Duel Reality - logline review request
Posted by: Gerasimos, July 30th, 2020, 2:19pm
very long version
A medical care military contractor expands its agenda into treating soldiers plagued by post traumatic stress disorder using an innovative brain-processing virtual reality system. However, when one of its leading scientists goes missing, his female counterpart will try to unveil the company’s shady plan to building the perfect soldier, with the help of a former marine who struggles to keep himself into reality.

short version
Going against her company and its shady plans to building the perfect soldier, an obsessed programmer must conquer a virtual reality world, before she drifts into it for ever, just like her lover.

shorter
A young programmer and her alter ego seek out redemption spanning across multiple virtual and real worlds, but with their company's plans intervening, will they succeed?
Posted by: eldave1, August 1st, 2020, 11:04am; Reply: 1
First - I like your premise here - sounds interesting. A suggestion -

A programmer that helped invent a VR program designed to treat PTSD, must enter that VR world in order to stop a sinister military contractor from covertly using that program to build the perfect soldier.

Posted by: dm36415, August 5th, 2020, 11:09am; Reply: 2
My preference is the "shorter," but perhaps with a descriptor of the alter ego? Maybe something like, "A young programmer and her virtual reality alter ego seek out redemption spanning across multiple virtual and real worlds, but with their company's plans intervening, will they succeed?"

Hope I got the context correct...
Posted by: khamanna, August 5th, 2020, 11:17am; Reply: 3
Wow to Dave's version.

Simple, clear and entices you to read the script.
Posted by: eldave1, August 5th, 2020, 12:08pm; Reply: 4

Quoted from khamanna
Wow to Dave's version.

Simple, clear and entices you to read the script.


Well - thank you, Kham.
Posted by: Gerasimos, August 5th, 2020, 12:48pm; Reply: 5
Thank you all.
Posted by: eldave1, August 5th, 2020, 12:52pm; Reply: 6

Quoted from Gerasimos
Thank you all.


No problem
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