The Cost of War by Marnie (Mmmarnie) writing as Some Hack - Short, Historical - A waitress fed up with the antiwar protests in 1962 New York City changes her stance once the effects of war hit close to home. - pdf format


Theme: Winning at any cost: Items: Bag of Coffee Grounds, Model, Coffee Shop

Felt evocative of the period, I could picture the coffee shop and the hippy/protester clientele, good job.

Coffee shop, yep... Model, yep... coffee grounds, they're there.

But I was reading this wondering where the theme was going to kick in and then boom, very nice!

Great job writer.

Beatniks and hippies vs. slackers and GenX'ers. The only difference is we X'ers gave up and resigned ourselves to the Cold War and having no future. It was living for the moment. And now? Shit. I gotta think about retirement.

What's that got to do with the story? Nothing, really. I just wish I was a beatnik instead of a slacker.

Great story. Figured Bob, right off, but not sure who Pamela is/was. Real or fictional? Didn't recognize her poem.

Nicely done - thanks for sharing.

EDIT: BTW, it's a good thing your story was well crafted since you had super easy requisites!!

First review for the final time(makes sad noises lol)  I've read some already and its a good bunch.

Great writing here with some nasty variables. But the historical genre is handy as you can flick through history at will to find a story that fits in.  Good feel of the era and nice to see Mr Zimmerman in there lol.

The only gripe I have is that Pamela changed her tune pretty quick. if I read it right, her dad died in WW2? Or did she have a brother serving in Vietnam?  I might've misconstrued that. But a real good piece this.

Good one, this. Liked the mid-20th century time setting. Was 1962 a little early for Vietnam protests? (Is this what was implied?). Good that Pamela was the main focus and "Bob" was a secondary character, lol. She changed her views pretty quick but only had five pages to do it in, so I get it.

Theme worked nicely into this.

Wow, what a great story.

I googled - Bob Dylan. And Pamela's poems is all you, right? I couldn't find it.

I mean it's inspired - the answers she found at a cemetary. Just amazing.

And very nice story too.
My favorite for this round.

Looking at the variables, how did the pair of coffee grounds and coffee shop last until your last round?

You should have a slugline and a brief action before the SUPER, such as

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - W 4TH STREET - DAY

City noise. Traffic. Kind of dirty. Rows of eclectic shops,
cafes, theaters, all with apartments above. A Bohemian mecca.

SUPER: GREENWICH VILLAGE, NYC - SUMMER, 1962

On a sidewalk bustling with people, ...

I'm having difficulty picturing a cherub with facial hair. I suppose he's plump and nonthreatening?

Nice, evocative take on the theme. Others said it seemed like a quick turn-around, but it was supposed to be over a week or so. Without the page limit, it might make sense to show the transition since she (not Bob) is the main character.

Concept is a b!tch, eh?  Good job writer. You have a nice style and it works. Can't really think of anything to critique with this. No need to nit-pick. Best of luck!-ghostigirl.

I drifted a lot during the first part of the script, luckily the final 2 pages are great.

We have most of the first page with Pamela going to work, then a few pages with her relationship with Bob, his song and the angry poet's poem. So you then have to skip a week and have the main character missing, in which a lot happens we don't see.

I think this would benefit from starting later and spending more time with Pamela learning the hard way about the cost of war with the coffee shop and other character's songs/poems as a backdrop rather than the main focus.

But you saved it all at the end and I think this would do wonders fleshed out into a few more pages.

-Mark  

My favorite script of all 5 rounds.

PK, if you wrote this, after all your histrionics in the week 5 thread... well, let's just say you have a gift.

AJR

I've never been a Dylan fan but I won't let that detract me from the fact that I liked this story. Well put together and enjoyable.

Well done.

Thanks so much to those who reviewed. So glad it was well received because it almost killed me. Lol

I struggled to find a decent story. I finally did Sunday afternoon, which is late for historical cus you have to research!!!

So cool tidbits I couldn't fit in...Bob Dylan wrote "Blowin in the Wind" the summer of 62 in Greenwich Village and debut it at the Gaslight that summer. He introduced it by saying it wasn't a protest song...ironically becoming the number one protest song of all time.

That 60's beatnik snapping of fingers instead of clapping originated at the Gaslight. Clapping noise traveled up the vents to the apartments above and tenants would call the cops. So the had a no clap policy.

Yes...I wrote that poem. I have a bizarre gift for rhyming. Must be all the Dr. Seuss from my childhood.  

I rarely like what I write but have to admit...I did like this one.

Thanks again...and big thanks to Kham and AJR for saying it was their challenge fave. That means so much.

Big Dylan fan here. I even have his Christmas album! Lol. Can you believe he was stopped by cops a few years back while taking a walk and was looking in the windows of some houses under construction and the cops had never heard of him!!! :D

Nicely written and with some deeper stuff in there to give it some depth.

Was this in 1962? My husband was one of those protesters, even ended up on the nightly news with Cronkite when being teargassed. That was not until the early 70s though, I believe. Regardless, great stuff Marnie. I can see why it won.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Big Dylan fan here. I even have his Christmas album! Lol. Can you believe he was stopped by cops a few years back while taking a walk and was looking in the windows of some houses under construction and the cops had never heard of him!!! :D Nicely written and with some deeper stuff in there to give it some depth. Was this in 1962? My husband was one of those protesters, even ended up on the nightly news with Cronkite when being teargassed. That was not until the early 70s though, I believe. Regardless, great stuff Marnie. I can see why it won.

First, thanks for reading and so glad you liked it!!

Omg that cops had never heard of Dylan. Like never in their lives ever heard of Bob Dylan???? How is that even possible?

This story was set in 1962 because that was the year Dylan wrote and debuted that song. People protested the Vietnam War for over 10 years, later years they became more violent. Very cool your hubs was right in the thick of it! Can you see him in any of the news footage? I think It's a badge of courage to be tear gassed and/or arrested from protesting. LOL My daughter was tear gassed a couple months ago while protesting.

Thanks for the review, Granny!!!