Inverted Jenny by Morrie Romcom - Book of Stamps, Librarian, Movie Theater - Short, Comedy

Comedy is subjective, especially romcoms which can be light on the comedy - this just felt more of a fantasy.

I wasn't sure the theme was front and centre. Broderick wanted to win at all costs for sure but he wasn't the main character.

Easy enough to follow, there is one time jump when it switches to later on in this movie but you don't reflect it in the script so that bit read odd, the rest is fine. Had a nice, Last Action Hero vibe to it.

Good job and well done for surviving the tournament!

-Marfk

Not sure why Jimmy's age is given twice, and the names are so similar as to be potentially confusing and then Jimmy having a Jimmy badge on with Jimmy on... a lot of Js in first few lines.

Librarian feels shoe-horned, I think he calls her it once... could have been lawyer, hairdresser etc.

It's a bit light on comedy, but "I’m ‘Method’. We inhabit our roles." did make me laugh.

And the theme appears to be absent.

This feels rushed, and I don't think it meets the criteria particularly - BUT I kinda like the idea of Broderick escaping the screen, and I did like the stamp twist too.

As a story, there is a lot to like here. Cool that Broderick came out of the screen. Some good lines throughout also. But....

There were a couple big format issues. Biggest for me was no new slug before Jimmy jolts from his nap.

And theme? Don't even see a trace of it. I'll accept librarian because you do emphasize that she likes books...but yeah, theme. Not there at all.

I did enjoy this but for me its important to show at least an attempt at theme since thats the final, mystery nail in our coffin as far as variables go, and prevents us from writing our story in advance. Not saying you did that, but theme for sure is the most challenging part of this competition. Just my opinion though. Nice story.  Best of luck writer.

So, I read the first page and the dialog is tripping me. And I go to the second, not quite engaged. Then the guy shows up and I'm like - whaaat? And he talks.

And then you say it's her imagination and everything comes to place and I start liking it a lot.

But where's the theme? Oh theme scmeme (or scweme) - I liked it! Yes, nice little short. Would make a good fantasy but yes, the premise and the way it happens is comedic too. The dialog not so - but I agree that it can go under comedy.

Hmm, but you still needed to make an attempt on a theme, you know. Did I miss it?

Shoe-horn city with the old librarian, eh? Yeah, the book of stamps was pivotal in the movie but not really for the story. Broderick could've written that on a matchbook cover. Theme? I got nothing.

Jenny shouldn't need an imaginary visit from a movie star to dump Jimmy. What a turd. The theme here was compromise at all cost.

I still enjoyed the read, though. I was definitely entertained. Good job, writer.

Exquisitely written with a real sense of whimsy. It is more a fantasy then anything else but hey, its Round 5 and I certainly don't GAF :P  

Does have a Last Action Hero feel to it. I disagree that the librarian is shoehorned in; a quick scene at the start in a library would show that but would make no diff to the story.

Anyway nice work here

So librarian, stamps and movie theater were used well. Agree that there's zero win at all costs here. And similar plot to THE PURPLE ROSE OF CAIRO, though the writer does resolve this in 5 minutes where it took Woody Allen 85 minutes, and a different use since Mia Farrow chose the screen actor, while Jenny gets a guardian angel off the screen.

I'll give you comedy because at least you made the attempt. Comedy is subjective and as long as we try and set up the vibe, I think the writer should get a pass.

AJR

All right, I may be the lone dissenter here, but I didn’t feel the Librarian angle was shoe-horned in at all. Nothing to add, just wanted to say I liked this very much too. Despite some minor issues. Nice job...It's hard to write comedy, really hard, so to elicit a laugh is quite an achievement. I laughed. :) Best of luck!-ghostiegirl.

Couple of formatting issues, but they've been well covered by other reviewers, so, I won't pile on.

Definitely written without theme in mind, as I just can't see it at all.

Fun short, though. Title really works on several levels, so, good work there.

Jimmy's a pain in the arse and Jenny's a dreamer. nothing wrong with being a dreamer, we all dream of something better. Nice dialogue, Last Action Hero visuals but a good job.

Well done.

Alright, LC... you said you had a bone to pick with us... I'm curious to know what it is... let us have it... we can take it.

Ah, PK, you've a long memory...  ;)

I was about ready to storm the thread and out myself in the process. I was steamed up over comments re 'written without the theme in mind', and the 'written ahead of time'. Theme written in dialogue does not a theme make. I was stomping my feet.

Calmed myself down after that.
I thought I could argue Jimmy running for office - Win at all costs, Jenny will say yes to his marriage proposal, sooner or later - she's a winner at the end cause that stamp is worth a fortune, blah-de-blah... Too subtle, not his story, hers, etc., so...

I read it again myself and realised with a sinking feeling that half of the link to theme had ended up on the cutting-room floor when this rush job had to have 1.5 pages deleted.

Anyway, I decided to suck it up instead.
Suck it up, I did!  ;D

Lol but I really liked it.
Had to downgrade it to a good for the lack of theme.
Lack of theme
Lack of theme.

Sorry to rub it in lol. I know you can take it))

;D Kham, careful, or you'll be struck off my Christmas cookies list.

Good job here Lib! Theme schmeme as I always say in writers tournaments.

Prolly needed a hanging shoehorned in but still nice work

Quoted from LC Ah, PK, you've a long memory...  ;) I was about ready to storm the thread and out myself in the process. I was steamed up over comments re 'written without the theme in mind', and the 'written ahead of time'. Theme written in dialogue does not a theme make. I was stomping my feet. Calmed myself down after that. I thought I could argue Jimmy running for office - Win at all costs, Jenny will say yes to his marriage proposal, sooner or later - she's a winner at the end cause that stamp is worth a fortune, blah-de-blah... Too subtle, not his story, hers, etc., so... I read it again myself and realised with a sinking feeling that half of the link to theme had ended up on the cutting-room floor when this rush job had to have 1.5 pages deleted. Anyway, I decided to suck it up instead. Suck it up, I did!  ;D

Ah, yes. We've all been there!

I figured it was the theme note that was going to be the issue. I've gotten that one from at least one reviewer on every script. And, I've got a defense for each one. I was thinking you might also... so, I was curious what I missed.

Thanks for the follow up!