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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Drama Scripts / Alley Cats
Posted by: Don, August 9th, 2020, 11:29am
Alley Cats by Barry John Terblanche - Short, Drama - Gang leader, Persian, has been exposed by three hobos. Man and cat show-down in a dark alley. Pages - 5 pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Yuvraj, August 9th, 2020, 12:32pm; Reply: 1
Yo, Barry,
This is bizarre, but in a good way. It was nice to read something so off-putting. Some things I noticed were:
Your logline isn't very clear. It takes time to understand properly what it tries to convey. Plus, it's not catchy. You need to improve your logline.
There are a few minor typos in the script. They don't offer much hindrance during the read but they do distract, for sure.
In my opinion, this is a fun little silly story to read. Also, unusual. Very unusual. :)
Bonne chance!
Posted by: BarryJohn, August 10th, 2020, 1:16am; Reply: 2
Hay Yuvraj
Thanks for the read and input / comments - appreciated.
Logline - been a 5 pager, thought I'd just keep it simple.
Bizarre indeed... we writers sure do have a vivid imagination. I'm hoping to get it animated.
Thanks again.
Posted by: BarryJohn, August 10th, 2020, 5:09am; Reply: 3
Oh... I'm having it cartooned / story boarded. And will post it here when done.
Posted by: Yuvraj, August 10th, 2020, 5:11am; Reply: 4
Great Barry!
Bonne chance!
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, August 10th, 2020, 11:29pm; Reply: 5
Hey BarryJohn, although I read this it's not a genre that appeals to me so in one sense I'm not really qualified to comment -- however it seems like a fun idea. Best of luck with it. :)-A
Posted by: BarryJohn, August 11th, 2020, 9:52am; Reply: 6
Thanks for read gostwriter
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