The  Cabin on Walker Lane by Clay von Carlowitz - Horror - During the pandemic, a writer flees the city with his wife and brother to a cabin Upstate - and encounters a murderous cult. 118 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Clay, I read the first ten pages, and really got into this. i could easily see this playing in my head as a movie. I liked the parents, they were colorful characters, popped off the page. sweet, goofy funny. It has good narrative drive. Will try and read more tonight.  

That’s awesome, Kirsten! Thanks so much for the encouraging words. Hope you enjoy the rest!

CVC

Hi Again Clay, just finished this the other day. I enjoyed it....i want to go through it again thoroughly and take notes. Which I'm looking forward too. 😁 Im going on holiday for a couple of weeks so I'll try drop a line in here and there if I can.... i really need the time to focus. 😁

Hey Kirsten - thanks so much for taking the time! I’m hard at work on another draft, so any feedback would be appreciated. All my best and thanks again!

Yours,

Clay

Hi Clay, my pleasure.

I have a couple mins.... Just a quick formatting issue that really needs attention. You haven't introduced Izzy, Mac, Jenn, or Frank properly. None of them have a description or first capitalization. :)

Okay signing out..:)

Hey Kirsten - I know! In the shuffle of different drafts, I somehow cut out those descriptions and subsequently frustrated many readers. Much appreciated.

CVC  

Hey Clay! I really enjoyed this. You've got a good mix of characters and conflict. I think the structure works as far as when things happen. You've got some good action mixed with a lot of clever surprises. The face masks are genius. I did not see that coming.

I don't know how how well I believe the son can survive on his own, but I do like the character and how he comes back to kick ass later. I think his set up is a little weak. Plant something about him being some kind of athlete or something in the beginning so we know that he can handle the cold and everything. That would make his reveal more believable.

I read this over the course of a few days and then had issues signing into my account, so I've forgotten when, but you have a number early on. I think it was "4" instead of "four", and then at one point near the ned, you have MAC talking too himself instead of someone else. The wryly says (To Mac) when he's speaking. Looks like a mistake.

I honestly didn't even catch the the introductions were wrong because it was written so well.

Have you written anymore drafts?

Hey there - thanks for the feedback and the kind words. I’ve been working on a new draft the past couple weeks and hope to have it finished by the end of the month. I’ll let you know as soon as it’s ready, and we’ll see how you like the changes!

Best,

Clay