Very interesting story with a lot of possibilities. I dig The Gas-Man.

My question is... how/why is Anne suddenly in the Hospital? What happened?

INT. HOSPITAL WARD - NIGHT
Anne opens her eyes. She lays on a hospital bed.

INT. ANNE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

ANNE'S ROOM

Muffled noise comes from her parent's room, then the door
opens and emerges her mother, NIA(30s).

Anne hugs Nia and buries her head into Nia's chest.

On the bed, lays only Kevin. With Anne's photo close his
chest.

Her eyes are sore.
Presumably, her eyes are red from crying?

FYI:
https://www.quickanddirtytips......ay%20down%20a%20book.

My only issue is the title of the script and the name of your baddie... it might evoke chuckles from people with juvenile senses of humor such as me -- I immediately thought of that "Gas Man" gag from "Dumb & Dumber" (the gag was pretty much about misunderstanding about a guy who had gas issues). But, that's probably just me -- perhaps you could redefine the whole "gas man" thing and turn it into something iconic of your own. The story is certainly creepy enough and the imagery is very, very solid. You got yourself a nice boogie man character.

Great work!

;D Funny, Michael.

I could be wrong but I thought maybe Yuvraj had something more like this in mind:
https://www.historyextra.com/p.....0with%20the%20plague.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plague_doctor_costume

But then I was just always amazed at these macabre outfits, and the fact they were real. I always wanted to put a guy dressed up like this in a horror.

A bit more via description of The Gasman might be in order.

Yep, that's right. She lost her daughter.

PS: Lies Ver Lays. Both have the same meaning. Americans write it as lies. We in Europe counties write it as Lays.

Multiple pipes snake
I think you mean tubes

Do you actually mean levitate? Or do you mean a word like hovers? It's ambiguous regardless, cause I'm not sure what's going on there and with whom?

All above said... I'm left with only to comment on the story. If I was a normal person, I'd say the story makes no sense. Reading it through the eyes of the writer, I see a story I could conceive in one of many ways... I guess its just how we look at it. I liked the story.

Barry, lies and lays do not have the same meaning.

In the present tense (which is what should be used when writing a screenplay) lays is transitive and requires an object to act upon, lies is intransitive and describes something moving on its own or already in position.

"She lies on a hospital bed"
"She lays the patient on a hospital bed

Thanks for clarifying the doubt, Matt.

All above said... I'm left with only to comment on the story. If I was a normal person, I'd say the story makes no sense. Reading it through the eyes of the writer, I see a story I could conceive in one of many ways... I guess its just how we look at it. I liked the story.

Read above again...
...I liked the story.  I gave you a compliment!

Hi Yuvraj

First just want to say that I am not a horror genre fan - In horror, things seem to happen with no rhyme or reason (apart from the very best horror flicks) and I struggle to connect. So I am not best placed to comment really... that being said, I'm going to comment anyway since you seem to comment on a lot of peoples work.

Storywise I feel there are dots which I am struggling to connect - I get what is happening, but there are elements that could gel better.

I get the sense that the opening scenes in the bedrooms is some sort of nightmare, that she is actually in a hospital hooked up to machines and it is manifesting in her nightmares.

Then she wakes in the hospital, and sees the Gasman again - could be we are now in reality and she is hallucinating? she is dying and these are her final moments.

There's a great connection between what is happening to her (hooked up to breathing machines) and the boogie man that has manifested because of it (Gas Man reminded me of Paddy Considine's character in Dead Man's Shoes when he dresses in a gas mask to freak out the antagonists)

Other elements could be intertwined better I felt, such as the relevance of the stickmen drawings, and elaborating on the break down of the family (The argument, the drawing of them apart, the parents apart in the room all hint at a family torn apart - presumably by the grief and stress of having a terminally ill child), the gasman attacking the parents in the nightmare - but those elements seemed like a footnote and didn't play into the main plot line

Or... I could be talking nonsense lol I don't seem to know anymore.

Still, storywise this is neat and if those dots can be connected in a satisfying way would make a great short film.


Writing-wise there's no one major thing that affects the read, but rather a few little things that added together really affect the flow and enjoyment. odd sentences and word choices that can be reworked.
"Slowly walks" - hit up a thesaurus - "creeps, ambles, tip-toes"
There are "basic" words and phrases that can be swapped with something that adds more (such as "walks" above), another example is "looks at" - find alternatives such as studies, eyes, gazes, fixates

odd words/phrases such as "proclaim" "tears corner her eyes" "silence elopes" "Anne backs herself and cries"

unnecessary phrases such as "...gas mask put on his face" - we can assume it has been put on at some point since he is wearing it. Just tell us it's there.
"Anne lowers her blanket, and sees nothing. Gasman's gone." - technically not true, she sees her room - we just need the info that the Gasman has vanished.

Too many "and" words in there - "He levitates over the bed, and an oxygen mask on his face"
"He levitates over the bed, oxygen mask on his face"
or use more evocative words for the scene - in this case, scary and tense.
"He levitates over the bed, oxygen mask strapped to his face" - might give more of a sense of being trapped by the mask.

"and sees" - also unnecessary.  
"Slowly, she lowers her blanket, and sees the tall person standing in the room."
also, make it more evocative - with horror you want to stir up the creepy and dread feeling in the reader - the same feeling you would get when watching.
"Trepidly, she peers over the blanket. The figure stares back.

Some action blocks are very stop/start - like this one.

"Gasman takes a step forward. Anne backs herself and cries.
He shakes his head. She tightens her lips and sobs. He comes
near to her bed and kneels down. SHARP BREATHS from his mask
valve are crystal clear."

reword or break it up.

I'm gonna stop now as I am just rambling - Each thing I mentioned is no big deal on its own, it's just when they are all consistently present throughout the script it compounds into a problem with the read.

Again - Just an amateur over here with no writing achievements to my name, so feel free to ignore all of this and chalk it up to the ramblings of a madman.

All the best to you

Should we let sleeping dogs lay...?

So Dave's testing.

Ok. Then I'll say it has to be LIE not LAY.

Yep

Are you sure this is an updated draft, Yuvraj?
I don't notice any changes.

I don't even see 'lays' changed?  :P

Are you sure this is an updated draft, Yuvraj?
I don't notice any changes.

I don't even see 'lays' changed?  :P

Picked up by some students for filming.

Congrats, Dude!

A very late update.
Unfortunately, the option fell.

Ah, these things happen. Hopefully, someone else picks it up.

Nice to see you, Yuvraj!