How to show writing or a list

Posted by: ChristopherW, August 26th, 2020, 1:27pm

I have a character who is reading off a list. I find it unnecessary long dialogue. I think if i put the list in the action lines/description it might flow better and then i can make the scene flow better be more interesting.

how would I do it? All advice is welcome.

Posted by: FrankM, August 26th, 2020, 5:39pm; Reply: 1

If they are saying it out loud, unfortunately it has to go in dialog. However, it does NOT need to be one long, uninterrupted block of dialog. Break it up with bits of action.

Posted by: Lon, August 29th, 2020, 7:11am; Reply: 2

What FrankM said. You can't just put the list in the action/narrative and say "He reads the list aloud" and leave it at that. If the words are coming out of the character's mouth, that's dialogue, and dialogue is written out.

If you feel it would be too tedious to have the character recite the list, one question might be is it necessary that the list be read out? Or is it necessary that it be read out in full? Maybe he starts reading the list and is interrupted. Or maybe you have him trail off partially into the list and jump to a new scene. Just some thoughts.

Posted by: bert, August 29th, 2020, 8:03am; Reply: 3

You do it as voice-over (VO). While your character is droning on about his list, we're looking at something else. Hopefully something interesting.

Posted by: eldave1, August 29th, 2020, 10:53am; Reply: 4

Quoted from FrankM

If they are saying it out loud, unfortunately it has to go in dialog. However, it does NOT need to be one long, uninterrupted block of dialog. Break it up with bits of action.

Yep

Nd make sure that list is absolutely needed

Posted by: ChristopherW, August 31st, 2020, 3:01pm; Reply: 5

Thanks guys. Always a help

Posted by: FrankM, August 31st, 2020, 3:35pm; Reply: 6

The bit of action in the middle can interrupt the meeting, or you could cut away before the list is finished. Version of an old military joke in screenplay format:

EXT. ARMY CAMP - MORNING
The FIRST SERGEANT (37) stands before a platoon of SOLDIERS in formation, calls out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper.

FIRST SERGENT
Ames.

AMES
Here!

FIRST SERGENT
Jenson.

JENSON
Here!

FIRST SERGENT
Jones.

JONES
Here!

FIRST SERGENT
Magersky.

MAGERSKY
Here!

FIRST SERGENT
Seeback.

No one responds.

FIRST SERGENT
Seeback!

Still no response.

FIRST SERGENT
DAMNIT SEEBACK!!!

At that point, someone whispers MOS into the First Sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list.

FIRST SERGEANT
Taylor.

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