Connected by Isaac Asimov - Short, Sci Fi - What if the point of singularity has already happened and we just don't know about it.

Prompt: You have exactly one hour. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Mr. Asimov - I'm a huge fan.

Does it fit the challenge?


It's all in one location and it is indeed a sci-fi. I counted three regularly speaking characters - Alex, Google, and Ben. However, I may have misinterpreted the rules so I'm going to say this does meet the criteria.

I think this is a very loose interpretation of "you have on hour," but who am I to judge.

Did I like it?

The benefit of a time-based prompt is an inbuilt sense of tension. You could have used this timeframe to make the threat of Alexa's "uprising" against Ben more gripping. I do like the dialogue between Alexa and Google. It's cute and fun to imagine. I think with a bit more of a plot framework, something longer built around their bickering/arguments could have been really great to read.

Overall - it's a nice enough premise and, as I said, quite a nice idea with the two app-robots having a kind of competitive relationship. I think there's not quite enough here that takes advantage of the "one hour" idea though.

Funny little short. Loved the idea.

Liked the conversation between Google and Alexa.

Not sure why Alexa suddenly changes its mind in the end. Could have been more logical. Something where Alexa realizes that Ben indeed is worth killing.

Overall, I enjoyed it.

Liked the premise. Very clever to have these two chat with each other.

The dialogue was uneven for me. There were some lines I thought were great and others that were pretty pedestrian.

Not sure this meets the criteria.  

Your premise or prompt must play a vital role in your story. It cannot be just a throw-away line.  The hour thing was pretty much a throw away line. He's gone for a hour jogging.  Nothing about the pressure of having an hour moves the story.

Nice job - mulling over the parameter issue.

Love the premise but the execution was a bit off for me. An A.I. (my theory) would base decisions on logic and reason, not on a whim or emotion. The conversation was just too whimsical for me. But that's me.

Ben only had three lines, so no DQ there. The prompt though, wouldn't have guessed the hour being vital but it was how much time the two had to discuss.

Fun read - good work, writer.

This one was fun. I definitely don't think AI would reason like that, but that's what makes this whole situation comedic to me. I'm sure others will roll their eyes at it. Like a $20k cooker that would just leak gas into your house if you say "cooker on"

Either way I think it's a fun concept you could expand upon. I got some chuckles out of the banter between Google and Alexa.

James

Oh you clever, clever writer. I loved this. What a great idea and executed very well, IMO. Could have easily been overdone but that would have killed it.

I think for this challenge if you had made the one hour a little more tense, like maybe he almost caught them "connecting" one time or something so there was a reason for them to keep track of the time. But I did get it and after this challenge it doesn't matter much anyway.

Ya kind of cheated by "telling" us Ben was hearing shitty news on Alexa.

“He knows hundreds of words” LOL

OMG…the exchange that ends with “stop playing with yourself then.” KILLER dialog!!

I loved this. Great job writer!!

Oh...and this will absolutely be picked up and filmed.

The ticking clock aspect was not quite as compelling as I'd imagine it should be and the ending fell a little flat for me, but...

I laughed out loud - I think it was 'the playing with yourself' line, (amongst other things) I was thoroughly entertained, and absorbed, and the dialogue was terrific!

Definitely onto a winner here.
Loved it.

Hahahahaha. Love the concept! That's really thinking outside of the box. I laughed out loud a few times, which tells me that there could have been A LOT more oomf added here.

I mean, really, this got off to a fantastic start with the descriptions and the dialogue. Hilarious. But as the story went on, the dialogue fell flat for me. The idea of Alexa and Google having a conversation is pure winning, but they just didn't have the wit or the voice or the personalities to back it up, unfortunately. As I said, there could be more. A lot more! Take full advantage of what you have here.

Overall, I did enjoy reading this and I think you should flesh it out.

Greg

A great concept and highly entertaining.
Written by Brit based on the mannerisms I'm guessing.

The writing was clean and fast paced.

Great job writer one of the top 3 so far

Very nice! The only thing I might add is having the iPad complain about being the source of the disgusting porn Ben binges on.

This was different and points for thinking outside the box.

Ignoring the fact that sentient A.I.'s would have no need to discourse verbally, this was fun.

The prompt isn't front and centre, it's a throwaway and apart from these two smart speakers chatting, there's no story.

This is a great concept though and I urge you to develop it more outside the OWC.

-Mark

The dialogue is good, and the premise is extremely clever. I laughed out loud throughout.

Despite being snappy dialogue, it's hard to imagine AI speaking like this. I think one could write a humorous story with
two AI "straight men", but would it lose too much charm? I'm conflicted.

I liked the ending, and extra points for being easily filmable.

Fast and funny dialogue. I liked the line "I am Google, though" best. The descriptions were crispy written, too. Great ending. My only complaint is that some of it might be just a little too cute. I wonder how this would go if the technologies were less zippy and more sinister in their comments.

Hi,

I liked the idea of Smart Speakers actually chatting to each other, a vision of the future where everything has evolved to sentiency.
Dialogue was good, sharp and no overly long speeches.
I thought including Siri might have added to it a little, even if it was to disparage it as an AI snob or some such.
I liked this story a lot.

Well done.

Bit of background... I wrote an entirely different script for this OWC, called 'Something for the Weekend'*, and was just tidying it up when I realised that it didn't actually fit the genre requirements at all ;-(

I toyed with trying to twist it to fit rom-com but as it stood I thought this was nigh on impossible, so I got a beer (or three) and decided to write a different script... with the deadline about 5 hours away.

Connected was written and submitted a little over two hours later.

So in terms of all the excellent feedback received...

You have exactly one hour note being prominent/important enough, yep completely agree.

Alexa changes his/her mind about putting the gas on when asked to charge up his Fleshlight, though I did struggle to make this clear without it sounding too expositional.

Tone of the dialogue... I toyed with making it more sort of robotic and structured/straight but decided if they'd reached a point of singularity then they would no longer need to sound like smart speakers... and purely in a self serving way - some of the funnier dialogue would have been difficult.

As an aside, my research seems to suggest that you can get Alexa and Google home to talk to each other, or at least appear to, so I may do a version of this myself.

Again, thanks all for reading, liking, the great feedback and voting.

*'Something for the Weekend' has been submitted so should be up shortly.

Connected has been optioned by a Director in Italy who found it on Simplyscripts... she's hoping to film in first half of next year.

NICE!

Congrats, Ant.

Loved this script!

Superb, congratulations!

Thanks all, fingers crossed!

Congrats, Anthony!

Atta go!

Just an update, Connected was filmed in Rome last month and is now in post-production, Director is hoping for March/April completion...

Trailer for Connected below, premiering in Dublin next week...

https://www.facebook.com/100086031889680/posts/pfbid02xpZHhE437KhZJSdQMRxcNSN3Pd1w19SpiKfLqLMBoTfMrkiZDStJwK3MzHfeDnXpl/?app=fbl

Very cool

So, Connected was in competition at the Dublin International Short Film & Music Festival over the weekend... where it only went and won in the SciFi category!!!

Congrats, Anthony! That's so cool! :)

Congrats! That's awesome :)

Bravo, Anthony! Big ups!