Okay, Nagin - I have time for a one page review.
TITLE - Like it
All in all - for a new writer a very nice start in the field.
Quoted Text A man carrying a chain-saw makes his way down the clearing,
heading towards a pickup. This is MICHAEL SYKES, 40s. Heavy-lidded eyes and a scruffy beard.
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Just my personal preference - but I always find it inefficient when writers go this route - i.e., show us a generic man than intro him rather than just introducing him right off. e.g., I always think it reads better as
MICHAEL SYKES (40s), heavy-lidded eyes and a scruffy beard, carries a chain-saw as he makes his way down the clearing towards a pickup.
Quoted Text BOB, foreman, late 50s, quickly catches him and hands him an
envelope. Michael tears it open. Reads the letter within.
Beat.
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Never a fan of the "beat" here. Really not needed, If you feel it necessary, be a little more creative - rather than beat - a moment passes. - or Bob studies Michael's face as he reads.
Quoted Text Uninterested. Michael crumples the letter and throws it on
the floor.
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Since you are outside - floor is not quite right. Ground? Dirt?
Quoted Text A woman lies on the examination table. This is CHRISTINE, Mid
30's, pretty, but somewhat worn down. She appears tense,
looking up at the ceiling.
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Same note as above - to me reads better as
CHRISTINE (30's), pretty, but somewhat worn down, lies on the examination table.
She appears tense, looking up at the ceiling.
Also not a fan of "pretty" here. Does it really matter if she is attractive or not?
Anyway - like I said, for a new writer you show a lot of promise IMO