The Park Ranger by Jason K. Allen - Short, Comedy - It's Dave's first day as a park ranger, and he's super excited to defend Mother Nature. Unfortunately he's a bit harsh as he confronts an innocent birdwatcher, a wayward hacky sack player and a pair of tree huggers. 10 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Jason:

Ranger Dave's dialogue sounds a bit dated for his age (30s). Sound more like a sixty-year-old.

No Texting - did not seem like a plausible violation.

The story was just okay for me - it got a little repetitive after a while.

For a new writer - I thought your formatting was excellent.

Keep it up.

Sorry Jason, but rather than being entertaining (for a comedy purpose), your lead character irritates us.

Not for me.

On a positive side, as Dave mentioned, formatting is nice.

This was weird to read. Yes, it has an irritating main lead. I guess you wanted it that way.

Sorry, but this doesn't serve much purpose at all. At least for me. The ranger(fake I might add) is just a strange dude going around and blabbering to people. It doesn't work for me, but maybe for others, it will.

Anyways, good luck.