Shifted by Someone - Sometimes the price of progress is greater than can be imagined.

And When the Sky was Opened - S1E11
  - Short, Sci Fi

Hi writer.

Shifted into another time/space continuum, a parallel that is as fragile as it is cold and lifeless. It’s got a strange ‘Alex Garland – Annihilation’ vibe going on as well which is cool, simply cause I love that movie.

The impending cataclysm here, I guess, has something to do with these pioneers of this world opening up another dimension with serious causal effect, into a ‘Pandora’s Box’ so to speak, and not being able to close it once perceived or viewed by other worldly senses. Some things should never be opened

Perhaps, this is another Schrödinger’s Cat scenario, where the consciousness of the observer is the reason behind the final outcome, that being… the paradox was simply created by Taylor’s perception of the ‘other’. Of course,… the paradox might have been created by the perception of Taylor by a collective consciousness residing in the other dimension. Bit of a mind-bender here… cerebral. Imaginative writing, not your first rodeo. I dig it...

I'm not sure how I feel about this one, think the ending went over my head a little bit. I will say that the writing itself is fantastic. However, this is another one that isn't very low budget -- unless the filmmaker gets creative with building the set for the capsule. Still, I don't consider it low budget at all.

Overall, I loved the writing, wasn't a huge fan of the story. Dialogue was good as was the description -- nice and clear, reads at a fast pace -- but I think I just didn't get it. Did he disappear into another parallel universe and now that parallel universe is invading their own universe? Not really sure. Maybe I'm just dumb lol.

-- Michael

Whatever the 'experiment' is about, parallel dimension/joining in some mind blogging computer environment/the new world taking over the real one, etc etc, it works for me. Writing is nice, story is visually driven rather than  dialogue developing. Considering it may be just me that I'm not a fan of 'explaining even more', the concept "They used to exist, but don't any longer; Someone – or something – took them somewhere" works.

I kind of remember this episode. I thought the writing was fine, but I found the story to be too close to the TZ episode. Colonel so and so. Military... I wish you had taken the concept and turned it into something different. Anything. Senior citizens. School children, anything. Something that would make this feel fresh and new. I think the whole point of this OWC was to think out of the box. A new angle on an already existing idea. Not bad, just wished for a little more creativeness on your part.

I kind of remember this episode. I thought the writing was fine, but I found the story to be too close to the TZ episode. Colonel so and so. Military... I wish you had taken the concept and turned it into something different. Anything. Senior citizens. School children, anything. Something that would make this feel fresh and new. I think the whole point of this OWC was to think out of the box. A new angle on an already existing idea. Not bad, just wished for a little more creativeness on your part.

Hi writer!

Will start off by saying I don't think I'm the audience for this one. The writing is good but it's not a low budget short.

This one isn't that close to the original but I can see where it's inspired by.

Low budget - hmmm, green screen maybe.

The writing is okay, but the ending feels a little ambiguous.

Good writing and I enjoyed the ride. I'm glad you referenced Stranger Things in the dialogue as a nod that you've been influenced by that idea.

I think the last few pages needs more. At the moment it's quite obscure. You set up this fantastic spooky alternate world and suggest a malignant presence, but without showing or explaining any of it and then it's just let loose in our world. It needs more, in my opinion but a fantastic first draft!

-Mark

Hello Writer,

Well imagined. Well written. The script had creepy vibes.

The climax was confusing. But probably that's where you wanted to go.

Overall, I like this.

Hello writer

Quoted Text Everything is as it was. Except it isn't.

Well, that was nice and clear, thanks.

When it comes to Sci-Fi I always get bored of the overly technical talk  "Electromagnetics at background level" for example... might just be me, though. I could do without it to be honest.

I'm also never a fan of the whole "high-tech" descriptions when it comes to Sci-fi either, makes them all sound a bit samey.

Anyway, got to the end and have no idea what happened or why.

Sorry writer - seems you have an imagination and came up with a big idea, but most of that idea is still in your head and not the page, leaving me bewildered and the read unsatisfying.

Well done for getting one in though

I like an open ended story that leaves the reader (viewer) the right to wonder just what the F they just watched (e.g. Annihilation). This was written well in regards to both dialogue, tempo, and description. It may help to give a clue to what is being shifted (time, space, dimension, etc.) but not an on-the-nose expose either. Sometimes you don't need every T crossed or I dotted.

Not low budget but I think it could be shot 'reasonably'. Nice work, writer.

Ok, these pages didn't pull me in right away, they yanked me in! You set things up nicely, but by the end it sort of fizzled out. So this was just okay for me. Some very good writing on display here. I can see where some would find the ending a tad confusing, but I suspect it's meant to be ambiguous. IMO. A fine entry though.

There are several effective images/ideas in this script. I like the idea of a world where the sun casts no shadow and the environment does not feel organic. The shattering plants are also cool.

Although the writing is generally sharp, there are a couple of important lines that I did not quite understand. Here is one: "A call rather than a word, loud and clear." The other is "The containment is wider." This seems quite important to the ending. Seems like the wider containment is not a good thing.

A lot to like, but also puzzling.  

The plot of the episode sounds like the Mandela effect. Was there a third man on their space mission?

Quoted Text (Inspired by "And When the Sky was Opened")

This actually belongs on the title page. Or  you could use it as a super.

Normally, you fade in at the beginning and fade out at the end.

Stranger Things reference. This one goes to Eleven.

The echo "Shifted" does match the origina lword "Shifting."

Quoted Text What man?

What man? Do you mean "what, man?"

That was a very interesting read, though my brain's a little burned out. Excellent job. :)

Okay I will fess up... I totally did not spot the 'low budget' requirement of the challenge... and then wrote four scripts ignorant of the fact until pointed out ;-)

So this was meant to be a parallel dimension journey, where our protag interferes with the other world despite instructions not to... that sets a chain of events going that brings something back to our world.

The something however is specifically meant to be unseen and enigmatic as that felt more TZ than just describing a herd of giant Rhino or something ;-)

Thanks for all the comments