Clara by Austin Bennett  - Short, Drama - A young mother defends herself from her abusive husband. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thank you for posting Don!

This is meant to be more of a teaser to a feature about Clara and her struggles as a single parent in the '20s.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Cheers!

Wow... I've read some truly despicable characters before, but damn.

This is great, Austin!

I think it's very disturbing that Roscoe can be a seemingly nice husband at moments, then immediately to straight-up back handing Clara across the face. Clearly, a very disturbed inviduiaul someone would have to be for those kinds of actions. Great stuff...(the script, I mean -- Not the abuse, sorry)

I'd love to learn more and more about Clara and her life beyond this short, but I guess I'll just have to wait for the full script.  ;D

So yeah, good luck with that!

Thanks for reading BryceS!

Maybe I'll get around to writing it.

Very predictable and repetitive. I wasn't a fan of your dialogues either.

For example, count yourself, how many times your characters say the same thing about Eva being a crybaby.

They keep saying things to each other which they already know. Too much exposition.

The motivation to kill Roscoe is weak. Perhaps, you have shown Clara with a lot of bruises on her face and body. You can show this while changing her dress. Then, we know that Roscoe is a habitual asshole. You can even make Roscoe yell at Eva too. Give us as many reasons possible so we can feel for Clara.

Once the poison starts to show its effect on Roscoe, instead of going for chitchat, you may show rage on Clara's face. They can even physically struggle where you can show all the anger coming out of Clara that was building up for many weeks or perhaps years.

You can do so much with this.

All the best.