The Searching by Orlando Sanchez Rivera - Short, Comedy - Sometimes, the thing we are searching is at our own face. 2 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Formatting aside, I don't really get the point of the short. What is Stephanie searching for? I get that the phone scares her at the end, but why does the short end so abruptly?
I'd like the short to be a little longer and for something to actually happen, you know?

Some of the others can get into your formatting -- Personally, it didn't really take me out of the story that much -- But you should probably see what other scripts are like. There's a good website I know with tons of scripts called: scriptslug.com

I'd check it. So yeah, just keep writing, and good luck with future projects, man!  ;D

I'm going to be horribly blunt here! Orlando, I don't think you have ever read a single movie script before. If you had? you'd not have written, sent the script you did. We all here at SS are always out to help/advise new and aspiring screenwriters. We will go outta our way to assist those that make an EFFORT! Come one...  show us you want to be taken serious. then we will. - "Help those that want to be helped"

Everything is kind of wrong here, mate. Take a read of a few scripts, revise and repost and I'll be happy to take a look.

Doubt the writer will show up, but if he does, probably best not to talk down to the guy. He's clearly newer, no need to cram it down his throat while telling him how much better and more dedicated we are than him just because you comment and participate more. We shouldn't use "newer" writers to make us feel better about ourselves. Everyone has to start somewhere.

Simply Scripts is a great place for writers of ALL experience levels and, if you are a newer writer, you will get help from other writers of ALL experienced levels (including other NEW writers who may have read more scripts than you and have a better feel for the presentation and formatting of a script).

Regardless of skill level, I think we can all agree the formatting is off. Firstly, FADE IN should open your script (at the top left).

Your scene headings (or slugs as some call them) should be INT or EXT. MAIN LOCATION - SUB LOCATION (if applicable) - Then the time of day. And there's only a period after the INT or EXT. Dashes for the rest.

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

Cut out the camera directions (full shot, middle shot, etc). Even if you were directing, the directions are wrong anyways. Just keep it simple. Once you establish the scene heading, give us a brief description of the location followed by an age and description of the characters introduced (characters are always in CAPS when introduced).

And then describe the action as it's happening. Keep your action/description blocks to 1-4 lines. I personally split up action blocks by the focus of action (which is essentially simulating camera shots without mentioning any camera directions). It helps create a clear picture in the readers head without making them go cross-eyed with massive paragraphs of description. So, as far as presentation goes (which is important and considerate to the reader), that's the gist right thee.

As others mentioned, read more screenplays. I always recommend Rian Johnson and Alexander Payne -- their scripts are really easy to read and visualize while moving at the pace of an actual film while reading. And check out some screenwriting books (Screenwriter's Bible - David Trottier is always a good start). Also, Robert Mckee is good if you're just starting out. Blake Snyder's "Save the Cat" is a good one, but I recommend reading the first two I mentioned.

-- Michael

Shit, my first couple of "scripts" were formatted FAR worse than this. lol

Keep your head up, Orlando. And keep writing. :)