Finding Elizabeth by Jim Duncanson - Short, Drama - The impact a young woman had on people who knew her is reflected on camera, knowing they will never see her again. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

A few thoughts...

Formatting wise, unusual to have an image on cover page, it’s not a short film yet as its still a script and you wouldnt normally mention that on the cover page.

Bold and underlined sluglines is overkill, bold is increasingly common but underlined less so.

Unless you are intending to shoot this yourselves then id reduce the number of camera angles and direction, if someone makes this theyll figure that out for themselves.

As you have someone making a documentary then you dont need to keep repeating (to camera) as its implied.

Personally i’m not a fan of calling characters Young Man and the like, a name, imho, is better and in this script some people are given names and some not.

The fact that she is a Goth is mentioned a lot but are they really that unusual at high school?

The twist ending felt a little off to me, nothing wrong with a twist of course but this felt almost jokey and not in keeping with the drama tone you’d previously established.

Best