Pennies

by Sean Elwood

A teenage boy gets a rude awakening after playing a prank at his grandfather's wake.

Short, Horror 7 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required

Thanks for getting this up, Don.

While this script is currently being considered for production, there's always that slight chance that it'll get dropped. Either way, if anyone reads this, feel free to drop a comment or any feedback/suggestions. I'm always open to ideas and critique on how to make it better.

Sean

You sure? Looks like you might have accidentally ticked the no comments box.

I'm gonna read it anyways but if you want to hear what I think (if anything to add that is) I'll be happy to share.

Cheers

I liked it.

Only one niggle for me

Quoted Text Christie grabs Otto by the ear. He YELPS in pain.

For some reason, that struck me as comedic and off tone. Not sure why - just did. I would also like his refusal to do it and leave it at that - makes his final fate more deserved.

Good job

Hey Sean,

Good job. I really liked it. Reads well and wasn’t what I expected from the logline, but in a good way.

I agree with Dave in that that line does come across a little comedic but that actually worked for me, as it contrasts nicely with the end and I think makes it that much more impactful.

Cheers

Max

Hey guys!

Yeah I realized I ticked the "no comments" box but oh well! :P Thanks for reading either way.

That line is actually supposed to be a bit of a comedic part anyway, just a goofy little image to show his relationship between him and his mother. I didn't mean for it to be off-tone, but what's a little chuckle from the audience? Kind of gives you a breather before the horror begins.

Thanks again, Dave and Max, for reading. Glad y'all enjoyed it!

Sean

my pleasure - PS - cool poster!

You’re welcome mate.

I enjoyed it even though it’s not a genre I’d typically read, but the writing was solid and the story kept me interested to the end.

I thought the pacing was spot on too. Nothing felt rushed and even more importantly nothing felt like it dragged either.

Otto’s “Worth it” line takes on a whole new meaning by the end that made me chuckle too.

Will be interesting to see how it turns out once it’s finished. Hopefully the director will manage to balance the dark humour with the horror.

Cheers