Whatcha think? Any feedback welcome. I need glasses,

TITLE: A Homecoming
LOGLINE: A brutal serial killer of young girls begins striking in a small, insular town in Australia, sending taunting letters to local police and media. A federal special agent local to the town is called in to assist. Due to her personal connection to its people, she slowly realizes that unravelling the identity of the killer may lead to implication of family members and is forced to choose between protecting her family or letting the killer strike again.

TITLE: Bequeath
LOGLINE: A woman with a family begins to suspects the modest home left to hr in her aunt's will her aunt - an aunt who made clear her hatred many times - may nit be as simply a s it seems. The woman's family begins to notice doors that don't lose on their own our, roads to nowhere, a phone line which only connects to a hardcore graphic porn sex-lime: our woman must questions whether her aunt wants revenge or forgiveness?

Oh, Ben, with that last logline you definitely do need glasses.  ;D
Or was it written in haste?

The woman's family begins to notice doors that don't lose on their own our, roads to nowhere, a phone line which only connects to a hardcore graphic porn sex-lime: our woman must questions whether her aunt wants revenge or forgiveness?

The family begins to notice doors that don't close - or doors that close of their own accord? Roads? that lead nowhere? A phone line that connects only to the dark web...?

Our woman sounds too impersonal. Even, the woman would be better...

The woman begins to suspect the ghost of her dead aunt may be exacting revenge for the sins of the past?

I don't know where 'forgiveness' comes in.
Bit busy, hope that helps a bit.

First log, do you really need of young girls?

. The to her personal connection to its people, she slowly realizes that unravelling the identity of the killer may lead to implication of (her)family members and is forced to choose between protecting her family them or letting the killer strike again.

Sorry about the strike-throughs, just suggestions.


P.S. I missed an excellent opportunity to crack a joke about a graphic porn sex-lime.  Oh well, maybe Dave can think of one?

Quoted from LC P.S. I missed an excellent opportunity to crack a joke about a graphic porn sex-lime.  Oh well, maybe Dave can think of one?

That's a toughie - although I do know that time sex makes one a tart. Maybe

"Sex with a fruit can be sub-lime"

These are poor loglines, mate - sorry. Way too long and chaotic.

Just the first one as an example - boil it down to something like:

An Investigator discovers that solving a string of brutal murders in a rural Australian town requires her to decide if protecting her family is more important than stopping the killing spree.

Then make it better