Alicia,
Hi. Saw this posted and figured I'd take a look, so I read the first thirty pages. First off, it's written pretty well. No glaring errors stand out, and it was easy to follow along with, which, IMO, is key. Clarity is king. However, for a dramedy, I'm not getting much of the comedy side here. It's mostly drama. But the main problem here is it's just not entertaining enough...
You have LeAnn, who's going through some tough times. Her beloved dog just died, she's lost her job, she's homeless, and on top of all that, she's slowly turning into an alcoholic. That's some pretty depressing shit. But, right there, you have four key opportunities to make this script more entertaining, or at least add in some comedic moments.
LeAnn's dog dies right at the start. I feel you could have waited a bit on that, kind of built up to it so when it happens, we (the reader) feel its impact even more. You could have shown her holding him, throwing him a frisbee, or some other activity, but you didn't.
LeAnn in the supermarket, when she mouths "shut up!" to the annoying kid. That's a comedic moment if I ever saw one, but here you play it down and it doesn't turn into much at all. In my opinion, that's an opportunity lost.
Do we see the struggle that LeAnn is going through when she's living in her car? Nope. Another lost opportunity.
You see what I'm getting at here? You have thirty pages where the story is just sort of floating along, with a lot happening, but none of it is really standing out at all.
Another point is this -- What is this story about? Your logline says that LeAnn is a writer, but we don't ever see her writing, not once, I don't think, in the first thirty pages. We see her vomiting a few times, but no writing. So, after this much reading, I'm asking myself what exactly is this story all about? what's at stake here? I don't know, and after 30 pages, we have to know that answer. You're too deep into the story already to not give us this key piece of information.
Anyway, I'll stop there, and I hope you do respond so I know you're around. If you'd like me to read the rest I'll gladly do it.
Hope this little bit helps.
Steve