An Encounter With Harry Cox by Christopher Stewart - Short, Comedy - A normal day at a small-town ice cream parlor goes coffee the rails after the owner receives some bad news. 18 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Christopher,

Firstly, your logline needs a correction "...goes coffee the rails...". I believe it should be "...goes off the rails..."?

There are some truly funny bits in there - good job. I think it could be funnier by fixing some of the clunky dialogue: Instead of 'cocaine and fornication', how about 'coke and a poke'? Same with using the term coitus. I'm pretty sure Sheldon Cooper is the only person in the world that uses it in everyday speech. Unless that was meant to be funny, then that's on me.

Otherwise, a funny skit you have here. Totally outrageous and 'coffee the rails'.